Recovery
by janesbiotch
Summary: This one will be long and will pull at the heartstrings. There has been a terrible accident. It will affect Brain and Justin and their relationship. It takes place in what could be the future and I hope you guys like it. I had started posting this unbeta'd but i got one now so it should be easy on the eyes.
1. Chapter 1

**1. Everything Changes **

"You're not paying attention; you need to follow my feet like this." Justin stated as he showed Brian the steps of the new waltz.

"I assure you that I'm capable of pulling this off. I mean, don't you remember the prom." Brian asked with a smile.

It was good being able to talk about the prom; an event for the longest time that Justin was unable to remember but he did now and now he didn't know why he could have ever doubted that Brian loved him. If he would have had that memory a long time ago, how things could have been so different. That didn't matter now though. They were finally comfortable with each other, their anniversary was approaching and everything was finally right with the world.

"Why are you filming this?" Brian asked to his sixteen year old son Gus who was standing off to the side with the video camera.

"Justin says that you can learn the small mistakes that you are making, or that you can see how much you fidget when you're nervous."

"I do not!" Brian stated and did exactly what his son had just accused him of.

"Okay maybe a little, okay; enough practice for now, I have got to meet Michael. I'll see you later." He said as he leaned in and gave Justin a kiss.

"Now for you, you are to drop me off at the club. You are to go and meet your friend who I have yet to meet, and then the two of you are to do whatever it is that kids do these days. Do not drink, do not drug, and return my baby in one piece." Brian stated as he handed his keys over to his son.

"Are you sure he's ready?" Justin teased.

"Justin." Gus whined.

"Oh yes, he's ready; he's got that Kinney whine down. I'll see you later. As for you peanut, you be good for your daddy." Brian said to his five year old daughter Isabella.

"I will daddy, I promise." She said with a smile.

Justin couldn't help but smile at this situation. He and Brian had a daughter. One that they shared; they had no idea which of them fathered her but that didn't matter she was loved. Sometimes he felt himself so happy that he knew that something was going to happen. Things had been quiet for too long. Brian had way passed forty and he didn't even flinch, he was approaching fifty and he seemed happy. Oh yes, the apocalypse had to be around the corner.

Michael would admit he was nervous about tonight. He was a young 45 and he was still nervous about talking to his best friend. Brian was his best friend still after everything that he had done to him. Their life had its ups and downs but in the end they could always count on each other. He thought back to two years ago when he had lost Ben. Brian had been there for him, had seen him through wanting to die. Now when he told him what he wanted to, would he think he was foolish? No he wouldn't; he was Brian, he was his best friend.

Gus sat in the back booth of the diner looking around cautiously. He didn't want anyone to see him there, that's why he had picked this place; it was way out of the way of anything. Chris hadn't met his parents yet and, well, that was going to be interesting. Telling Chris things about himself slowly was the way to do things. When Chris met his father, well, that would be another story.

"Hey, have you been waiting long?" Chris asked sliding into the booth.

"No I just got here; did you see it, I told you my dad had a vintage 'Vette. I tell you, sometimes it's like he loves that thing more than me." Gus said dejectedly.

Chris looked at Gus and knew that he was stressed. He did that thing with the pinch of his nose, and the rolling of his tongue in his mouth. He was nervous about something, had something on his mind. What she couldn't possibly know but whatever it was it was worrying the hell out of him.

"Okay so I know how the rest of this little dinner is going to go; why don't you tell me what's bothering you so I can help you over it so I can enjoy the time with you that I have." Chris stated.

"We've been seeing each other about for a while now Chris and I think that it's time for us to take the next step. When I get home tonight I'm telling my parents and I thought maybe this weekend you come over and have dinner with us." Gus said all in one breath, before he chickened out.

"Really?" You mean I'm actually going to get to meet Brian Kinney. Without seeing on the cover of magazines or watching him on my television, I'm going to be able to be in the same room with him and carry on a conversation?" Chris asked, unable to believe what was being said.

"Yea, so I'll talk to them tonight after I drop you off, and by the end of tonight they will know everything." Gus said unable to keep the shiver from his voice.

Leaning in close, Chris kissed him on the mouth sending him the reassurance that he needed.

"Gus, it's not the end of the world. You just look them directly in the face and you say dad, Justin I have something to say to you. I'm straight. It's not the end of the world." She said as she gave him one more squeeze as she looked at her menu to decide what she wanted to eat.

"And you're not upset?" Michael asked as he and Brian walked down Liberty Avenue.

"Why would I be Mikey? I think it's fucking fantastic. Brendan is a good guy, he's no Ben. No one can compare to that guy, but he made you smile and brought the light back to your eyes; so if he can get a better position at the hospital in Detroit then I say pack your bags and go. Long distance relationships blow and not in a good way. You would spend your time on our couch crying over your "brerry bear" or whatever the two of you are calling each other this week. So yea go, planes, emails, and phone calls can't break us apart you know that." Brian stated as he threw his arm around his old friend.

"Are you sure?" Michael asked for what had to be the fifth time.

"Yes I am sure; Christ, you're such a baby. We are approaching fifty. Michael it's time you get off my tit and put on your big boy pants." Brian stated sarcastically.

"You're right; we are growing up aren't we?" Michael asked pulling his friend even closer.

"Yea, who would have thought it, you and I in a stable relationship? You've got a marriage under your belt now you're the attractive widower with the hunky piece of eye candy on his arm, and well I've got Justin."

"Yea you do, and when do you think you're going to make an honest man out of him?" Michael asked seriously.

"The last time I tried to give him the picket fence, he said I was a pod person, and he ran all the way to New York. You know what that did to me. How long it took me to even put up the courage to go and bring him back. When I did, he still wasn't sure. I don't think he was sure until I told him I wanted Izzy. She made us a family. He believes in us now. We've got an anniversary coming up, maybe then we'll take those rings from around our necks and place them on our fingers." He stated referring to the fact that he and Justin wore their wedding bands around their necks on a black cord.

"Really?" Michael asked, hoping his friend wasn't pulling his leg.

"Let's just say Emmett is planning one hell of a party, now let's find a cab."

Michael couldn't keep the smile that was coming over his face on hearing that his friend was finally going to tie the knot with Justin. He would admit that in the old days he would have never wanted the two of them together, but now they fit like a hand in a glove. Brian had gotten all the way to the step of marriage before but he knew that in the end they would come to their senses. They were together and in love but much of that was brought on about fear of losing each other. They were both scared that something was going to break them apart. They had grown. Brian still was beautiful, he had aged gorgeously. He looked up at his friend standing there hailing a cab, he thought how much he was going to miss this. He didn't even see that truck that struck Brian down when they rounded the corner.

Justin looked at his watch again, it was approaching two. Michael must really have a lot to talk about. He hoped that he and Brendan hadn't broken up. He liked him; he was sort of like the male Daphne. After saying that, he wondered if that was an insult or a compliment? He definitely meant for it to be a compliment. He would spend the next few moments picking up the family room; Izzy really could tear a room to bits if given the chance. He'd pick up and then turn in. Gone were the days of worrying if Brian was out with someone else; although they still weren't monogamous, Brian tricked. He did it less often now and Justin had high hopes that he would be done with it completely soon. He was about to head upstairs when there was a knock on the door.

When he opened the door his blood ran cold. Captain Carl Horvath, Debbie, and Mel stood there all looking shell-shocked. He didn't know what to say, but he knew this meant something was wrong.

"Is he dead?" he managed to croak out before holding on to the door frame after feeling lightheaded.

"Justin, there was an accident an hour or so ago. Brian was involved in it, and well, we think you better come with us down to the hospital as soon as you can." Deb stated as she took him in her arms.

Justin clung to Debbie. He needed this comfort, he would have preferred his own mother but she wasn't in any condition to be coming to him this late, and of course he would rather be with Brian; but well, you know why that was impossible. He needed to make sure Gus watched Izzy, but he remembered where Brian was that night.

"Is Michael okay?" he asked concerned.

"My baby is doing good, Justin; thanks for asking. Apparently Brian and Michael were leaving Babylon and a truck came out of nowhere and struck Brian while he was hailing a cab. They can tell you more when you get there." She said.

"Okay I just need to tell Gus what's going on." He stated as he went back inside the house leaving them all still standing on the steps.

Justin didn't have to go far; as soon as he spun around, Gus stood there with a very sleepy Isabella in his arms.

"What's the matter dad?" Gus asked.

Justin loved when Gus called him dad. He had known him since the day that he was born and he had two moms. He was thrilled the day that Gus had decided that he was his second dad instead of Michael; but right now he just didn't need to see him standing there looking so much like his father holding their daughter asking him a question that he couldn't answer.

"There's been an accident. Your grandma and grandpa are here to take me to the hospital."

"Grandma and Grandpa!" Izzy shouted getting excited.

"Yes sweetheart, but they can't play right now. I have to go to the hospital to take care of your daddy okay, so what I need is for you to be a big girl and stay here and take care of Gus until I get back. Can you do that?"

"Yes daddy I'll keep Gus in line." Izzy stated in her strong voice which was meant for you to realize that she meant business.

Justin turned and got his PDA and important papers. He had to turn away from her before he broke down. He didn't want his little girl to see how worried he was. He knew with Deb, Melanie, and Carl there that it was bad; it was real bad. He didn't tell Gus that his mother was outside or Izzy would know that things were bad too. He gently kissed them both and left the house praying to God that everything was alright. Little did he know from now on everything changes.


	2. Chapter 2

**2. Obstacles Ahead **

I really didn't know what I expected when I got to the hospital. I don't know, maybe the rest of the gang that was still around in the waiting room crying or something like that but no, no one even came down. I looked at the clock and saw that it was after four. It was too early for folks to be around anyway, he couldn't even remember if he had told anybody. Michael was right beside me holding my hand. A part of me wanted to smack him because that should be him in that bed, but I know that's wrong of me. He had a family. A son, a daughter, a lover, it's not fair for anyone of them to be there.

"Justin, I swear to you, I didn't even see the truck; it came out of nowhere. It was one of those street sweeper things that get rid of rain or ice and stuff. It didn't even slow down. Carl says that they'll be an investigation. You know pop, when he puts his mind to something he's not giving up until he has answers." Michael said as he leaned back into his chair.

That brought a smile to Justin's face. He liked the fact that Michael called Carl pop. They both knew that he was more than old enough when he finally married Deb for him not to call him that but after everything with Ben and Carl help Michael through it they had bonded somehow and now they were close like father and son. It gave him a warm feeling inside. That was until he saw the doctor approach.

"Justin Taylor?" he asked.

"Yes doctor, that's me, is Brian going to be okay?" I asked afraid of the answer.

"He must have had an angel on his shoulder tonight, there's not a scratch on him. Now he did have severe trauma to his skull. Now the swelling is going down very slowly, he's in a coma."

"Will he wake up?" Michael asked afraid of the answer.

"I have seen nothing to indicate that Brian will have trouble with a full recovery. We just have to wait and see. As I said, there was some trauma and, well, you know what that could entail.

"Yes. I still have some trouble holding things after all these years." Justin said as his hand began to cramp as if it knew he was speaking about it.

"Well the question is, what kind of man was Brian Kinney before this happened to him? For a person to recover through a trauma like this, even if they come out of it with no physical damage, the emotional aspect of it all, he needs to have a good support system. Does he have that at home?" the doctor asked.

"I've loved that man since I was seventeen and he me. That's the kind of man he was." Justin stated bluntly. He wanted the man to realize that this was not silly love but something real.

"Well there you go, as long as he has someone that is going to be there for him, I don't see why Brian couldn't lead a normal life." The doctor stated.

Justin didn't like the way that he said that. That he could "lead a normal life."

"Are you saying that things will be different?" Justin asked afraid of what the answer might be.

"Justin, you of all people know what can happen when it comes to the brain. For now, you will just have to wait and see.

"Can I see him?" Justin asked.

"They'll be moving him soon, I'll have someone come and escort you to his room once he's there.

"Thanks." He turned to go back to the waiting room with Michael.

He took a seat and took a photo of his family out of his wallet. He thought to himself how he had a family. He had a real family with Brian, Gus, and Isabella, what was all of this going to do to his kids.

Chris held Gus why he sobbed into her shoulder. She couldn't believe she was at the famous Britin2. She had heard stories of the estate that was just off of Liberty and she had heard of the original that had burned down. Now she couldn't wait to meet Brian and Justin, but not like this. How could something like this happen? The driver of the truck was drunk and he was driving a city vehicle. She was no dummy; she knew that they would be doing whatever they could to shut them up and keep quiet.

"Where's your sister?" she asked as they took a seat on the couch.

"She went back to bed, it was easy. I told her that dad was in the hospital and she started thinking about the little shop that's there and what she's going to get him when she goes and see him. She's just happy being his little "Peanut". Oh god Christina what if he dies!" Gus stated unable to hold himself together any longer.

"It's okay, sweetheart. I'm here; everything is going to be okay. Did you call your mother?" she asked gently.

Gus heart fell again he hadn't even thought about his mother. She was going to freak when he called her. Maybe Melanie had done it. No, he knew that cunt wouldn't have done it; not when it came to Brian. She probably was passing champagne out in the waiting room.

"No," was his one word reply.

"Give me the number; I'll help you do it.

The wait was killing Justin. He just needed to see Brian. See him and know that everything was okay and then they would go from there. They could do anything as long as they were together, right? He thought about his little family and Isabella. She loved Brian to death. He thought back to the past weekend and when he caught them when they didn't think he was looking.

_**Flashback**_

_Brian had heard her before he saw her. He wasn't willing to let her know that he knew she was there so he just continued to get ready for his daily run. He picked his running shoes and went to sit on the bench at the foot of their bed careful not to wake Justin. He knew he liked to sleep late on the weekends unlike him and apparently his little peanut._

_Brian put on his left and then right shoe, and began to stare at them. "Shit!" he said out loud causing Izzy who was standing in the doorway to jump and run inside in front of him._

_"What's wrong daddy?" she asked concerned._

_"I can't seem to remember how to tie my shoes." Brian said seriously._

_"Really?" she asked. "I have been learning all week with Justin; he told me that I'm doing good."_

_Brian was very proud of his daughter, she called both him and Justin daddy but if she was talking to one of them about the other she would call the other's name. No one had taught her that, she did it on her own. She said that it was right, obviously more proof this kid was a Kinney but he didn't dare tell Justin that. She was both theirs and of course her mother._

_"Well I guess you are going to have to show me how to do it because I've forgotten." He stated and couldn't help but smile as she sat down on the floor in front of him and tied his sneakers._

_"See daddy, I told ya I could do it." She stated proudly._

_"So you did. A skill like that deserves pancakes; let's go see if we can eat a dozen before daddy gets up. I'll even put chocolate chips want some Izzy."_

_"Don't call me Izzy!" she shouted at him._

_"Why not isn't that your name?" he asked seeming to be confused._

_"Yes, but not for you, you never call me that."_

_"I don't._

_"Daddy!" she said getting mad._

_"Fine Peanut, let's go and have breakfast while your dad sleeps the day away. First one to the kitchen gets to lick the spoon."_

_That was all Izzy needed she ran from the room._

_Brian couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Izzy really was a beautiful young lady; he was going to enjoy watching her grow up. Things were going to be different than with Gus he got to see all of this._

_"The two of you are so cute together." Justin stated breaking him from his thoughts._

_"So, how long have you been eavesdropping?" Brian asked._

_"Long enough to see how adorable you are with your daughter." Justin stated proudly._

_"I'm not adorable." Brian stated._

_"Sure you are, I love seeing you together."_

_"No lesbian moments, Sunshine. Let's go make breakfast." Brian stated pulling his lover from the bed._

_**End flashback**_

Justin was pulled from his thoughts when the nurse came and told him that Brian was in his room now. He got up and followed her to the room. He could do this; Brian had come to see him when his brains were bashed in then he could go and see him after he had bounced off the pavement. He braced himself and opened the door to Brian's room. He was very shocked at what he saw; there wasn't a mark on him.


	3. Chapter 3

**3. Blow This... **

Melanie Markus sat at her dining room table across from the woman that she loved more than life itself and was unable to touch her. She knew that she needed to be comforted, but how could she when she knew that she knew she wouldn't allow her to. It was going to be kind of hard anyways because she was holding on to poor Isabella like her like if she let her go she would fade from existence.

"How have you been?" Melanie asked. As soon as she said those words she knew they were wrong, how did she think she was doing? She had been through a horrible ordeal and had to leave to recover and now here she had to be strong for her son and her and daughter.

"I'm sorry, that was a stupid question." Melanie stated.

"Its fine, I'm doing better. I'm finally realizing that what happened wasn't my fault, no matter what some chose to say.

Melanie knew that was thrown for her. What she had done was wrong and she knew it, but Lindsay had betrayed her again and this time Brian had helped. It hurt but now she would give all her money to be able to touch Lindsay again.

"So, are you going to move back here?" She asked hoping.

"Well of course I am, right now. I mean Gus needs me and Izzy. I do care for my children Melanie. How is JR?" she added so she would know that she meant her as well.

"Well you know the age; she's 14 and becoming a woman. I don't know yet if she's going to be gay or if she's just angry because I'm her mother. She misses you."

"I didn't abandon her!" Lindsay stated as her hand began to shake.

"Are you alright?" Melanie asked concerned. She had to remind herself that Lindsay was not well.

Lindsay couldn't help the sort of psychotic laugh that left her lips. "Of course I'm alright. I have to be my baby needs me." She stated snuggling into a sleeping Isabella.

Dr. Brendan Block stood at the foot of Brian Kinney's bed looking over his chart. He couldn't believe that this was happening to Brian. He was going to finally leave this hospital when he heard this happened. He decided to stay a little longer, at least to see Brian through all of this. He owed that to him. He had helped him build the solid relationship he now had with Michael. Michael would have mourned Ben forever if Brian hadn't told him to give him a chance. For that he would do anything to help him and Justin through this.

"Any change?" Justin asked hoping.

"You know the routine; it's just a waiting game, Justin. He's been having a lot of movements which is a good sign. If he just laid there and never moved I would be worried but he has grabbed you twice, and someone said they heard him humming the other day. He's just confused; the swelling has gone down a lot but there's a little left. Scans look good, there appears to be some damage due to the trauma but we will not know how severe until he wakes up and tells us what's going on.

"If." Justin stated morbidly.

"Hey now, I gave up a job in Detroit to make sure that he pulls through; he would not disappoint me this way. Now have you eaten?" Brendan asked his friend.

"No, Gus and Chris are down in the cafeteria. I was supposed to meet them about an hour ago, but I didn't want to leave him."

"I assure you that if you go downstairs and get something to eat that he'll be here when you get back. Now go ahead and have a sandwich. I'll stay here till you get back."

"Will you really, Brendan?" he asked.

"Yea all of my patients are fine unless there's an emergency. I'll sit right here until you get back. Go now; your son needs you." Brendan added that part knowing it would get Justin moving.

"Okay, I won't be long.

Chris really didn't know how to comfort her boyfriend and that really sucked. She wanted to be the caring girlfriend but how could she do that when her boyfriend acted like he had severe emotional problems half the time. All the time, when she thought that she had a breakthrough and was going to get him to open up about something important, he would shut down. Sometimes he could be so open and loving and then he would put up a wall up that no matter how much she tried she couldn't break through.

"So I hear your mom is in town; how's she doing?" she asked calmly.

"She just got leave from an asylum; how do you think she's doing?" he asked coldly.

"Don't do this okay; you know I hate it when you act this way. I'm right here and I'm here for you to do whatever you need to do so if you need to scream or yell go ahead, but don't close me out.

Gus thought about this for a second. He was not his father, his father told him over and over again not to treat his relationships like he treated his with Justin. He often told him that he treated Justin like shit for over half his life and all he did was love him. He couldn't do that to Chris. She was everything. He could do this, he could tell her.

"You know I told you that my parents are split up right now, they have been for last couple of years, right."

"Yea, but that's all you told me," Chris stated, trying not to seem interested but she was she wanted to know everything about Gus. She had never felt the way that she felt about anyone like she did about Gus. She just wanted him to know that she was there for him.

"Well, it was because of my mom cheating on Melanie. They love each other so much but sometimes my mom can be wrong. It went wrong though, because she and the woman that she was seeing were meeting up at dad's house and there was this fire and that's what happened to my mom's face.

"Her face?" Christina asked confused. She had met his mother and she didn't see anything wrong with her face.

"You can't really tell now, but she had to have a surgery because a lamp blew up in her face and it burned her. She was supposed to be picking my sister up from Melanie because she had to be in court but she was getting some "afternoon delight". That was the day that Melanie told my mother she was just like dad. Might've not have been so bad but when she told her she was fighting for her life as well as the life of my sister. Stupid cunt!" he shouted. "Can we get out of here; I don't wanna be here any longer."

Recovery- To regain one's ability. That was what she was supposed to be doing when she went away three years ago. It wasn't supposed to take this long and she had missed out on so much of her daughters' lives. Isabella wasn't supposed to be hers not in the way that Gus or JR were. She was supposed to be Brian's and Justin's but she could see her whenever and watch her grow, but because of temptation she had lost so much. She had lost Isabella's growth, Brian's trust, Melanie's love, and Sarah. Poor Sarah, sometimes recovery could be a bitch.

You know how when you're swimming you feel weightless? Well that's how this feels. I'm floating and trying to get through this fog but I can't. I keep telling myself that if I just turn this way or that way that the fog can be lifted but it's like I'm getting lost in translation. Like I know what I want and need to do but my mind and body won't cooperate. I need to wake up. Been trying to do it for the past week or so. I hear them come in and say they love and they miss me. When the hell did I become so likeable? Aren't I still an asshole. My own mother even came in and I think she was sincere. She brought Samuel. I hadn't seen that bear since my dad broke four ribs. This could make her change her mind about me but cancer couldn't. Well, fuck me.

When Brian Kinney opened his eyes for the first time in seven days, he didn't know what to make of it. It was bright and scary and nothing looked like he remembered. Where the hell was he? He needed Justin. He tried to talk but he couldn't; there was this huge tube down his throat. He went to pull it out, but a big man stopped him. Who the fuck was that? He looked at him for the longest time. He knew him, didn't he? Maybe he fucked him. Had he fucked him and he was having his sick way with him? The fucker, he would make him pay if he could just remember where he was exactly.

"Calm down Brian, I know that it made seem a little foggy right now, but it's fine. It's me, Brendan.

It wasn't lost on Brendan at how Brian seemed to look through him. That scared him; he thought that Brian would be okay. He needed to be okay.

"Brian, do you know where you are?" he asked professionally.

It really hurt when Brian shook his head for no. "You're at the hospital; you were in an accident. You've been in a coma for seven days; we've been waiting for you to open those eyes of yours. Do you know who I am Brian?" Brendan asked.

Brian looked at this guy. How the fuck did he know him, didn't he know he didn't remember tricks' names. Maybe he wasn't a trick maybe he had done enough dope and fried his brain. Dear god what about Justin, did he hurt Justin? He could feel his heart beating fast. He let out a loud yelp when the man removed the tube. He noticed the lab jacket; guess he was a doctor, probably his.

"Justin?" Brian asked.

"Oh, he went to get something to eat. He's been here every day since it happened. I told him that I would stay if he went down and got something to drink. We're going to give you something to make you more comfortable and we're going to run some tests, okay?" he stated as he rubbed Brian's shoulder.

"Okay." He said. Everything seemed so normal while he was asleep but now since he was awake it all was different. His head hurt and he wanted Justin. He needed Justin badly. He was going to ask for him but he could feel the fog coming back to claim him. He was sleep before he could say the name Justin.

Justin really was trying to listen to what Michael was saying about his and Brendan's new apartment and how Hunter was coming up with his girlfriend, but he really couldn't stop thinking about Brian. He knew that Michael understood and he was just speaking to be speaking. He and Michael had come to that point in their friendship. He was just filling the space that was meant for Gus and his girlfriend but by the time he had gotten there they were gone. He wondered where they had gone. Justin was about to finally start paying attention to Michael's conversation but he saw Brendan approaching out of the corner of his eye.

"What's wrong?" he asked already beginning to panic.

"He's awake; I thought maybe you would want to be by his side." Brendan stated with a smile.

"Oh god, yes," he stated as he got his coffee and got up to head to Brian's room.

Brian awoke with a start. He knew immediately that he didn't like it where he was. The fucking beeping of the machine was making the pounding in his head worst. He didn't like Breckin or Benjin or whatever the fuck that guy who came was. He needed Justin. "Where was he?" he wondered. He pulled himself from the bed and went on search for him. He didn't like this place, too much white.

Lindsay stood outside the room that they told her was Brian's, just waiting. She didn't know what to do. A huge part of her wanted to go in and tell him that she was sorry. She was sorry for sneaking around on Mel, and for burning down his house, and for Sarah. She was his friend and now she was dead because they wanted to be romantic in his house. She didn't even know that something was wrong with the fireplace. She guesses she just wasn't listening when Brian had told her that. She almost lost the baby that day. He had gotten so angry with her. She had never seen him so furious. Then there was Mel. She had to face the music; it was part of her recovery.

"Going in?" asked a familiar voice.

"I don't know, the nurses say that he's a bit confused about some things, maybe I shouldn't go in. I mean I heard that Brendan went to find Justin so maybe I should let the two of them have their moment and then go back to the house and come down with Izzy later." Lindsay stated trying to find some reason in what she was saying.

"I don't know Lindz, maybe you should go in and see him for yourself and then decide if you know Izzy should even be down here." Melanie stated as she gently put her hand on Lindsay's shoulder. She was thrilled when she didn't flinch away like she normally did.

"I don't know; what if he's still angry." Lindsay stated afraid of facing Brian after all this time.

"He doesn't hate you Lindz, he was scared for you and for Izzy, but he knew that part of the equation you had never imagined. If you are really that scared, I'll be right there with you, that's if you want me to be," she said giving her shoulder a little squeeze.

"I'd like that a lot." She was happy that Melanie agreed to go in with her; she of all people knew that Brian wasn't her favorite person. She also knew that the two of them had bonded a lot since she had been away. She finally turned the knob to enter and once inside they both stopped and begin to look around. Brian's room was empty.

Gus was glad that he and Christina had decided to take this walk. The hospital was beginning to depress the hell out of him. He knew what she meant to him, and he knew what he meant to her. Why did he have these doubts sometimes? He knew why it was because of the people in his life that set the examples. Brian and Justin who had broken up so many times; it was so hard for him to even keep track anymore.

"Feeling better?" Chris asked as they walked back towards the hospital.

"Yea, I think it was just the hospital setting, those places can really bring you down, I've spent far too much of my life in those plastic waiting room chairs."

Chris wanted to know what he meant by that but she didn't ask. She knew that he would share when he thought she was ready to hear.

"So, shall we go back and see what's going on with your dad? Gus?" she asked when she noticed he was frozen in that spot looking across the street at someone. When she turned to look a man was walking down the street in a pair of pajamas and a blue robe.

"Are you Justin?" Brian asked everyone he passed. He was really getting pissed because, well, he knew that he had to find Justin but right now he really couldn't remember who a Justin was; he just knew that he had to have him. "Have you seen Justin?" he asked the next woman that walked near him. He didn't like the way that she looked at him.

"This is me." He stated as he pointed to the hospital bracelet around his left wrist. "I'm Brian Kinney but I'm not looking for me. I'm not lost." He stated matter-of-factly. "Are you Justin?" he asked the next young man who came up to him, he wasn't alone he was with a girl.

"Dad, it's me Gus. Are you alright?" Gus asked as he approached his father. He could tell that something was off about his father. He looked almost childlike when he approached him.

"Gus? No Gus is like this?" Brian stated putting his arms up as if he was holding a baby. "You're like me; you can't be Gus. Are you Justin?" he asked getting very confused. He knew him; he knew he did. Was he Gus? Yes he was, he knew that, why was he being so stupid; he knew that it was Gus.

"Gus, I lost Justin; do you know where he is?" he asked not able to stop the sobbing, he reached for Gus and Gus took him in his arms to comfort him. He gave Chris a look of both confusion and horror, as his father continued to sob. Brian needed Justin, and maybe some sleep of some kind.

"Yea, dad I know where he is; come on let's get you out the street." Gus stated as he took his father's hand and helped him from the street. He had noticed how the crowd was forming and was that a cop car? He wondered just how many people his dad has frightened for the cops to be called.

"Come on Dad, I'll get you to Justin." Together with Chris on one side and him on the other, they helped a suddenly very groggy Brian back to the hospital.

"How the fuck can you just lose a patient. Brian just got out of a coma; how was he even capable of walking out of this hospital." Justin demanded at the nurse's station.

"Mr. Kinney is quite lucid. He had to have slipped out when we were having our shift change. He's in his pajamas and his robe; if we weren't really looking, it would have been easy. I know that is no way to explain things and we are looking as hard as possible. We have no doubt he will show up.

"When I'm about five seconds away from suing this whole damn hospital or now, damn it!." Justin stated getting upset but he would. He would sue this whole damn place if something happened to his Brian.

"Justin, I have him." Gus announced when he came up. "Chris and I were heading back and when we were a few blocks away we saw him. He was walking around in the street; I don't even think he knew who or where he was. At first he didn't even know me Justin, scared the shit out of me." Gus stated not being lost on the fact that his father was clutching his hand very tightly and looked like a scared seven-year-old.

"Brian, are you alright?" Justin asked as he approached Brian and took him in his arms and hugged him. It felt so good to feel him in his arms again. He loved how Brian hugged him back very tightly and kept his hand clutched in his.

"Justin?" Brian asked.

"Yea Brian, I'm here; we're going to get you back to your room and get you something to eat alright?" he stated soothingly.

"I was so lost." Brian stated and then he began to cry.

Justin didn't know what to do except hold him. What was wrong with Brian? It wasn't like he had amnesia; he knew who everyone was it was just like he wasn't there. It frightened him to the core, but he could do this. He would be there for Brian; he had done it for him.

"Brian, running away like that is dangerous. Why did you leave?" Justin asked.

"I had to find Justin. I need him, but he went for drinks and he never came back so I got up to find him but then I got turned around. Too much white here so I blew this Popsicle stand." Brian stated as he walked back toward his room.

"Come on love, I'll help you back to your room." Justin stated. He didn't even have the heart to tell Brian that he was Justin; he didn't know if he knew that now. That he had found who he was looking for. He just enjoyed the fact that Brian was smiling at him while he walked back to his room with him. He couldn't accept if Brian didn't know who he was for now he was contempt in being in denial.


	4. Chapter 4

**4. The New Brian **

I stayed by his bed all night. I don't know if I can take this. He didn't understand that I was Justin. There were times when he would ask if I was Justin and I'd tell him I was and he'd believe me and then there were times when he would look at me as if he thought I was lying. I don't know what to make of it; they ran a lot of tests and I have to meet with the doctor soon. I need answers, I need Brian.

"What the fuck is going on?" Brian thought. This is not right. You know how it is when you try to do something and you know exactly what you are going to do and how you're going to do it but then when you go to do it something goes terribly wrong. That's what's happening now. That's my life now. I hate this guy. Someone should shoot me; where the fuck was Ted, or Michael? We had a deal, if I were to be different, if something were to be wrong with me they were too pull my plug. This is not normal." Brian thought.

"Michael, I can't tell you anything, the doctors are meeting with Justin in a few minutes." Brendan stated.

"You know what's going on, you know what they are going to tell him, what's the matter with him?"

"Nothing is wrong with him, when you start thinking that there's something is wrong is when something is wrong with him. He's recovering, he went through a trauma; his head hit the ground after his body was propelled up through the air. There were supposed to be problems, Michael; all you have to do is be there for him. I know you will. You love him so I will be there."

"I will Brendan, for whatever he needs." Michael said as he continued to eat his breakfast.

Everything is going over my head. Neurons and electrodes, it's all about signals. Apparently signals are sent to the brain to do simple tasks. Brian's brain knows what it wants to do and he thinks like a normal person but on its way to complete the tasks things get jumbled and he gets confused and sometimes things go awry. That's why Brian kept asking was I Justin. He knew I was Justin, but he had to reassure himself that I was Justin. It didn't make sense. I'm scared, but I realize Brian must be terrified.

"Is it permanent?" Justin asked Dr. Hooks, Brian's neurologist.

"I can't say that it is Justin, I can't say that it isn't. Everyone is different; the important thing is that you are there for him and that you let him know that you care. Can you do that Justin; if you can't, here's some places that will take him." Dr. Hooks stated as he handed Justin a folder.

Justin thought that he'd vomit when he saw what the doctor had handed him. Brochure on top of brochure for mental institutions, or "homes" for "special" people. Brian might have been a bit confused about some things but when he looked at him he still saw his Brian. He still loved him. He wasn't going to lock him away for anybody. He was Brian.

"No thanks. We'll be fine. Where is he now?" Justin asked.

"Well we want to see what it is that he remembers and he doesn't. So a nurse is with him now, and they are doing what anyone does at the start of the day. They are getting dressed.

Brian didn't like Nurse Kelly; she spoke to him like he was a child. A child he definitely was not.

"Why are you here?" he asked.

"I'm here to help you, in case anything goes wrong; that way you don't have to wait for anyone to come in. I'm already here.

"Bitch!" Brian thought. "Thanks." Brian said.

"Mr. Kinney, it's bath time; so why don't you just tell me if you were going to take a bath what would you need?" she asked him sensitively.

"Who the hell did this bitch think she was" Brian thought. Like he didn't know what he needed for a fucking bath. "Stupid Bitch!" he thought again.

Brian looked at the items that were scattered across his table. He wasn't stupid he knew what he needed. He needed his soap, a cloth, a towel, shaving crème, and of course his razor. He didn't see his razor they had stupid disposable ones but he guess that's what they wanted him to get. So he got them too.

Kelly Perkins was very happy that he had picked out the correct items. She knew that he could do it. He was proud that he had made such great progress. If he could do this simple task then she knew that the damage wasn't that severe and maybe just maybe everything would be okay for him.

"Okay Brian, now go in there and take your bath." She stated as they both walked into the bathroom.

"Okay, you can leave now." Brian stated.

"No, I stay here while you shower." Kelly stated.

"You can't stand there while I take my bath I'm going to take off my robe; I'll be naked." Brian stated looking at her like she was out of her damn mind.

"No. Like I told you, I am here in case you need a little help just go over there and pull the shower curtain and I won't be able to see." She said as she pointed to the shower curtain.

"Ugly flowers." Brian said referring to the shower curtain.

"Taking a bath is easy. Who couldn't take a bath?" Brian thought.

Brian was getting very frustrated before the bath even started. He knew that he could do this. Who can't take a bath? First things first, turn on the damn shower. He looked at the knobs and pressed them. Nothing happened.

"What the fuck?" he said out loud.

He then went to turn them, and nothing happened, they wouldn't even budge. That's not right at all, he thought. He pulled the top of his shower gel and put some on the washcloth and began to wash his body. See, he knew that he could take a bath, easy. He dropped his towel in the bottom of the shower. He didn't even care that it was on the floor; he just continued to rub himself. He got to his cock which was hard for some odd reason and he began to wash himself. The sensation was doing things to him and before he knew it he had forgotten what he was supposed to be doing and he was masturbating. It felt so good; he could feel his release then—

"Mr. Kinney!" Kate shrieked.

"What?" Brian asked angrily.

"Could you please not masturbate in front of me?" she asked nicely.

"Don't look." Brian replied as he continued to do it in front of Kelly. He didn't stop until he came and then he felt very sleepy.

She couldn't believe that he had done that right in front of her. She was disappointed that he thought he was taking his bath, but it never occurred to him that he didn't use water. Dissociation, she had to put that down as a symptom. Poor guy, she would do whatever she could to make him better.

"Alright Mr. Kinney, we are going to try the bath again only this time we are going to do it with the water." Then she leaned into him and turned on the dial. It really hurt her when she saw the look of shame on his face when he realized that he was there naked, soaped from his head to his toe, but not one drop of water had touched him.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"It's fine Brian, and don't you worry; things will get better.

"You understand what I just said, right?" Justin asked his daughter.

"Yea, you said that daddy hurt his head and he may not know me. Why not? Did he forget you too? Did he forget Gus?" Izzy asked.

"No I'm not sure that he forgot Gus and if he remembers me well yea he does; yesterday he didn't believe I was me but this morning he believed I was me so, yea, he remembers me. "

"So he might remember me tomorrow if he doesn't remember me today?" she asked.

"Yea." Was all he said, hoping to god that Brian didn't hurt his little girl's feelings when he returned to his room?

"Are we going to see your dad today?" Chris asked as she entered the house.

"I don't know; why don't we just stay here and watch some TV or something." Gus responded.

"That could be cool, but I understand if you want to go and see your dad. After what happened the other day, I mean it seems like the security should be a bit better at that hospital so that the patients can't just wander; anything could have happened to your dad. If I were Justin, I would speak to them about that."

"Could we not talk about him right now? I mean you haven't even kissed me yet; all you do is talk about dad being in that place, being like that."

Chris was not stupid. She knew that it was killing Gus to see his father like that, and she also knew that he was trying to shut down his emotions and not show her that he had a heart. He should know, by now, that she knew better. She wouldn't be with him if he wasn't a loving person and he was. He was the most understanding man that she knew. She didn't care that her parents thought they were too young to know what real love was. She knew it and she found it in him. Gus was her everything.

"Fine, we can sit around and watch movies if you like, but know this: I'm here for you Gus, no matter what you want to do. If you want to sit here and watch movies, or go and see your dad I'm here. Where's Izzy?"

"Justin took her to see dad."

"Oh I wonder how that is going. I mean I heard that he can be mean if he gets confused about something."

"Yea, I just couldn't be there when he did something to her; I would freak before I realized that he couldn't help himself."

"Maybe it'll be a good visit.

"Maybe." He silently hoped that it was for his sister's sake.

Justin could hear them before they entered the room. Brian was upset about something, he guessed the bath didn't go as good as they hoped. He was cursing the nurse he believed her name was Kelly or Katie. He really wanted to talk to her about Brian's progress but Lindsay had brought down Izzy even though he didn't really want her to see Brian right now. But here she was and he couldn't turn her away now. She was bouncing up and down on her feet. She was smiling from the moment she heard him curse. She loved Brian, and she knew that sometimes he had a temper. He was also so gentle with her. He begged god to let him be okay with her.

Brian entered the room and he saw Justin standing there with a little girl. Her brown hair and blue eyes looking at him intensely she was torn between standing there and jumping him. What was she going to do?

"Isabella." He thought.

"Izzy!" he said.

That was all that it took. He said her name, and he remembered her. She threw herself at his feet and then she took his hand as he slowly walked back to his bed. He climbed inside and she slid right beside him and began telling him everything about her days since he been gone and he listened.

"Daddy told me that you may not remember me but I knew you would remember me and you did." She beamed.

"Of cours,e Peanut; how could I forget you, never.

She beamed even more when he called her his nickname. He was the only one who called her peanut and she loved that. She told him about her day, and how her kitten had scratched Lindsay. He asked if he remembered Lindsay and he told her of course. He said of course a lot but she didn't care. He smelt like her daddy and he looked like him and she didn't even know what anyone was talking about; he was her daddy. She told him that she felt tired, and he told her to go to sleep right there beside him and he would be there when she woke up and she knew he would. She closed her eyes and thought about her daddy and what that would do when they got home. She loved him.

Justin looked at the interactions between the two of them. There was something off about them. He was shocked when he saw her; he couldn't hide the look from him. He quickly hid it from Izzy but not from him. He wanted to say something but he kept it a secret once she started talking. He winced when she touched him but he didn't let it show to her. Something was off and he waited until she was sound asleep before he said anything.

"Brian, what's the matter?" Justin asked.

"Nothing." He said.

"Brian, I'm not stupid how was it with Kelly and the bath?" He asked cautiously.

"I forgot to turn the fucking water on, and we had to do it all over again. Stupid, I'm fucking stupid that's what I am." He said getting upset.

"You're not stupid, you have gone through something and it's going to take some time to get back to who you were but I'm here for you Brian. We will get through this together.

"Yea this is nothing." Brian thought.

"NO! Fuck off!" Brian said.

"You can't get rid of me like that anymore Brian. I know that you are all over the place but I will be here for you, Izzy too." He added as he kissed Brian on the forehead.

"That's another thing, what the hell is Mikey's kid doing here and I thought her name was JR." He stated as he looked down on the girl sleeping in his side."

That was it, Justin couldn't take anymore he didn't remember their daughter. He couldn't hold it in any longer he broke down right then and there. Brian wasn't trying; he wasn't trying at all he didn't care that he didn't remember them but this little girl was in the bed thinking that she was sleeping next to her daddy and he had no idea who she was. How was he going to explain that to her when she woke up that he didn't know who she was? It would cut her to the core.

Brian took in the distraught Justin. "Why was he so upset?" he thought. Then it hit him like a hurricane. Flashes of the little one in her cradle and the life that he had with her. She was his little peanut. She was theirs. How could he forget her, she was his baby, how could he forget that.

"I remember Justin." He said making Justin jump. "I remember that she ours." Brian said with a smile. "No need to give up on me yet. I'm not totally useless." Brian stated and he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Justin didn't like to hear that, he couldn't help the sting that came to his eyes. Brian was still Brian; he had to let him know that he still believed that and do his best to make sure he didn't forget it. He had to stop snapping and getting upset at every little thing. Brian was doing the best he could, what kind of husband was he if he couldn't be there for his spouse. He needed his mom, she would get him through this, and she would tell him what he needed to do. No he couldn't call her, too much stress. She couldn't handle stress right now. He could do this he was a man.

Christina lowered Gus' head down on the couch and started to walk around the house. Britin2. It was a nice place, and Gus had told her of the fire that had taken the life of his mom's mistress and how distraught she was after that. He was ten when she went away. He knew that it had to be killing him that she was back now. He loved her so much but was hurt when she had to go away, even more hurt that Melanie, a woman that was his other mother, had pretty much given him away after that. How can a person do that? Especially someone who was supposed to be his mother, who had fought so much to call him her own and then because she was betrayed by the woman that she loved she just had given him away. He told her how she had realized her mistake and came back for him when he was twelve and how he didn't want to go, but because his father had no legal rights to him he had no choice but to give him back. Mel realized her mistake though, and they worked something out. They had a good relationship now but they probably wouldn't get back to how they were. So many people had hurt Gus but Brian was his constant; she could see it in the photographs all over the mantle. Brian was his son's father in every way and now would they ever be that way again. She walked into a room far off to the right, and when she turned on the light she was astounded by what she saw.

Lindsay sat in the cafeteria at the hospital still trying to build up the courage to go and see Brian. She would use going to check on Izzy as an excuse to get in to him. Part of her was relieved that there was some brain damage and maybe just maybe he forget that he was mad at her. She shook her head unable to believe what she had just said.

"Stupid." She said out loud.

"You are not stupid." Melanie said as she sat down beside her. "You are afraid of what he might say when you go in there. I saw him yesterday and he was nice, which well in his case with me is okay. We've come to a crossroad in our relationship. We are, dare I say, friends. We had to become friends because of Gus. You weren't around to play referee so we had to get along or he would end up getting hurt. Gus was more important to both of us." Melanie stated.

"Of course that was after you dropped him literally on Brian's doorstep after you couldn't bear to look at him." Lindsay spat out immediately covering her mouth after she realized what said.

"I'm so sorry, Melanie; I shouldn't have said that." Lindsay stated.

"No you are right, I did him wrong. I just couldn't look at him without seeing you and Brian. Nothing of me looked back at me and I blamed him for what you did and what I thought Brian had done. It was yet another reason for me to hate him. You served it to me on a silver platter and I never believed him when he said that he had no idea you were going there to cheat on me. I just believed since the two of you had the relationship that you had I just figured of course he knew because it was a reason for him to get at me. You made me feel that, you made me doubt his honesty."

"No I didn't. That was one thing that everyone knew about Brian. No apologies, no regrets; he didn't lie. He told you what he wanted you to know whether it was something good or bad about you. Whether it was something that was going to make you love or hate him. He was always brutally honest; that's a quality I love about him. He's not that person anymore, is he?" Lindsay stated realizing there was a good chance that person was gone for good.

"Maybe not now, but there's no reason he can't return to being that asshole we all know and love." Melanie stated positively.

"You think?" Lindsay asked hoping.

"Yea come on, I'll go up with you if you want." Melanie stated reaching for Lindsay's hand.

Lindsay looked at that hand for a long time and it stood there out in the open. Would she grab it? Could she grab it? She could if she wanted this back, if she wanted Melanie, Gus, and Izzy, and of course JR. "Yes she could do this." She thought as she grabbed her hand with a squeeze.

"Come on let's go up." She stated as they headed for the elevators.

Brian awoke with a start. That's what hurt the most, waking up, waking up and everything seeming normal until he opened his mouth and it all went to shit. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go and this was not how it was going to remain. It was all very easy if he really thought about it. This so-called "New Brian," well he had to die.


	5. Chapter 5

**5. Adjusting Can Be a Bitch **

When Gus woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he had a crick in his neck from lying awkwardly on the couch. The second thing he noticed was that he was alone. He knew that when he fell asleep Christina was there. Had she left? Then he noticed the room open and he jumped up to find her.

Christina couldn't believe her eyes. It was beautiful. It was their whole town. Everything about it an exact replica right before her eyes. She could tell that it all was hand crafted with such detail. Detail that took time and patience it was beautiful.

"This is incredible!" she shrieked when she heard Gus enter.

"I know. It all started with the first train. It was a simple track and then we talked about how the train needed a village to go through. So we decided it would be Liberty. I never knew my dad knew so much about engineering. He made the first train and I couldn't believe it. He wanted us to bond over something and this is what we bonded over. We go to the Expo every year. Dad even puts on a conductor uniform and he does it all authentically." He stated and then his face fell.

"Don't even think that. You and he will be back to this in no time. Are you doing a train this year, or apart of the town? I never thought when I entered here this was what I'd find. This is just wow Gus; this is something for you to be proud of. Does he show it?" she asked hoping to get him to talk.

"Yea, he does a film every year explaining everything that he does with the new addition. I just shoot the camera but he does the commentary in costume. It's sort of like Cosplay.

"Cosplay?" she questioned.

"You know like all those geeks at the Comic Book Conventions dressed as Spiderman or Doctor Who. Spending their weekends in the woods or such pretending to be their hero or some shit like that. Dad and I go to the Train Expo every year. Well I go, sometimes he has meetings so I take the tape that we work on. He puts on the plaid shirt and overalls, sometimes he even takes the accent of an old southerner and talks about how he loves his trains and then we show how the pieces go together to make the train car or village that we are working on. When Britin2 was complete that year we did sort of a reenactment of Britin burning down and the next year we unveiled the replica of this place. I had a lot of fun doing it with him. After Melanie threw me away." He said sadly.

"I'm so sorry that had to happen to you Gus. I know she loves you though, the way she talks about you. She came back for you, and she's here now so that is what you should try and focus on. It would've been worse if she had gone and never come back." Chris tried to make him see the truth in what she was saying.

"If you say so." He replied.

"So does this like light up or something, can I see it go around the track." She asked.

"Oh it can even snow, my friend, snow." He said happily as he pulled a huge controller from under the counter.

JR Novotny had never been happier for the weekend to come in her life. All while she was away, her Uncle Brian gets flattened by a Street Sweeper. "No way!" she just had to see this herself. She had called her dad and he had told her what room she could find him in and now she was entering Pittsburgh General still wearing her uniform. She was on a mission; she had to see if his brain really was scrambled like eggs. If it was she couldn't help but think how cool could that be.

JR entered room 321 on the "Brain Floor". She was surprised to find the room completely empty but even more shocked when she found the window was open. She decided that she would investigate. So she went outside to see who was on the balcony.

"Jump off the balcony." Brian thought to himself. That was pretty simple right, but now that he was outside of this hospital he was appalled that they had bars around everything. They had enough room for a person to sit if they felt like it but they were unable to jump to their death. He wanted to jump to his death! He didn't have much time; Justin would be back soon and he would be watching him for the rest of the day. He had to get his fucking body to do what his fucking brain wanted to do.

"Hey!" shouted JR.

Brian looked to his left and there she was, one JR Novotny. Fresh from school in her plaid skirt and light blue shirt. That's where the school girl fantasy ended. Her hair was jet black and crinkled, she had so much black around her eyes he didn't know if she was going for the bandit, or raccoon look. She wore a giant crucifix around her neck. She looked like death's love child.

"You death?" Brian asked.

"What are you doing out here, Brian?" she asked as she climbed out to join him.

"I'm trying to kill myself of course." Brian thought. "I don't know." Brian said.

"Well get back in here, I brought lunch." She said reaching for his hand.

"Damn it! Stupid JR ruining everything; I had finally got him out there on the ledge." Brian thought.

Brian looked at her hand and decided it was best to give up for now, he took it and they entered his room.

She had spoken the truth when she said that she had brought lunch. On his bed were a couple of sandwiches and a couple of Capri Sun Kid drinks. Some fruit and even pieces of pie; she had really thought this lunch thing through.

"I told Grandma Deb that I was coming and then she said to bring your favorites because she was sure that you were tired of hospital food. So it took an hour for me to get her to put this shit together. So are you hungry?" she asked.

She took in the look of Brian for the first time and it broke her heart. He was just standing there looking at the food. Twice he reached out to grab something but both times he stopped himself like he was unsure if he really wanted it or if he thought that someone was going to take it from him. He picked up one of the drinks and pulled the straw from the side but he couldn't get the straw to go into the hole; he got frustrated and just threw it on the floor. He put his hands in his pockets and decided there was something more interesting about his feet then looking at her, and then she noticed his shoes were on the wrong feet.

"Oh Uncle B." she whispered. "Well I tell you, one thing that just gets on my nerves all the time is this stupid straw and how they expect you to be able to get it in this damn hole. That's why I carry this." She stated as she took a pair of scissors from her backpack and cut off the side of the drink and began to drink from the side of it as if it were a milk cartoon. She didn't even glance at the one he had thrown across the room, she just picked up another one and opened it the way she had opened hers and gave it to him.

He took it with shaky hands. He really was thirsty and he had no idea where Justin was, or that Katie woman. No one really wanted to be around him since he had told them all to go fuck themselves this morning after he cut his neck while he was shaving. He liked JR, she was nice. "Was she always this nice?" he wondered.

"I'm pathetic." He said.

"Oh never say that Uncle B, you just have to adjust to all of this. I'm here now, and everything will be fine. I can't stay long but I'll come back tomorrow; and look, I brought lunch so come on sit down and have lunch with me. I even have a surprise." She smiled as she took 3 Lemon Squares from her backpack.

"Dear God what have I become." He thought.

"Lemon Squares!" he said.

Justin sat in his car looking up at the room that Brian was in dreading going inside. He knew that was wrong and that he should be ecstatic that Brian was alive but he wasn't. He was happy that he was alive of course but that was not Brian. It hadn't been that long and there was still swelling but now they were telling him that when the swelling went down there would still be complications. The trauma had crossed wires and now Brian might be the way he is forever. Could he take that? He always knew that there would be differences in him and Brian because of their age difference. He had seen Brian through the cancer and he knew that there was more to come but now. So soon, could he do this? Brian had nearly cut his throat this morning shaving. Was this his life now? Would he have to watch him like a little baby? Was he selfish and cruel that a part of him just wanted to get Izzy and leave and never come back? He was torn from his thoughts by his phone ringing.

"Hello." He answered.

"Honey, how are you?" came the reply of Jennifer on the other end.

"This could be better mom." He replied.

"Honey, how is he? I've talked to Tucker and we're coming back down to the house." She replied.

"Mom you can't, this situation is full of too much stress. What about the baby?" Justin asked referring to the fact that with his mother's age her pregnancy was very stressful and this situation was very stressful.

"My other baby needs me, and I'm coming down, so you be at the airport tomorrow morning to pick us up. When are they letting him out?" she asked.

"Well that all depends on the meetings this afternoon with the therapists."

"Oh I remember those days back when you had your accident. You were so angry at the world. You thought you would never get the use back in your hand and Brian was there. I remember the first day I caught him there talking to your therapist. I was so angry, but then when you had your fit at the house and he came and got you. I was so happy, he was more able to care for you than I was. Without your father I don't know what I would've done if he wouldn't have been there. I have to come down and help where I can. I miss not being in Pittsburgh anyways. Now that Deb is retired she and I can get together and just talk. I miss you."

"Lindsay's back." Justin shared, preparing his mother for everything that was currently going on.

"I know. I talked to Daphne; you know she had gone up there to see her a few times." She said referring to the hospital Lindsay was in.

"I know. They are past it all, can you believe that; she forgave her."

"She had too honey, neither one of them would've been able to recover if they hadn't forgiven. It's something they both would never forget but being angry with each other would solve nothing."

"I know mom. She hasn't gone to see Brian yet."

"Oh honey, I don't think she should. Brian was very angry with her, and then she just left Izzy like that. The poor kid is still young and she's barely had a mother. With how Brian is now I don't think the two of them should be alone in the same room together." She said stating her concern.

"Mom I better go! Melanie and Lindsay could be up there right now, I'll call you later." He said as he hung up and ran from the car.

"I just want to say thanks for everything." Gus told Chris as he walked her too her car.

"You're welcome, Gus, I'd do anything for you. When my uncle heard everything that happened, he understood that I needed to be here. He knew that you wouldn't try anything when we were alone. I thought he would be angry when I fell asleep and ended up spending the night but he was fine with it."

"Tell him I'm sorry about that, but thanks again for listening and of course letting me share my train with you."

"You can share anything with me Gus, that's what I'm here for. I'm your girlfriend and I love you. Tomorrow you and I are going to see your dad."

"We don't have to; he may be getting home then."

"Well if he doesn't. I love you Augustus Markus Peterson Kinney." She stated as she gave him a kiss goodbye.

"I love you too. Christina Amelia Hobbs." And he kissed her goodbye.

JR sat there quietly watching as her Uncle Brian nodding on the bed. He was so cute; he kept catching himself and jerking when he felt himself falling asleep. It was so adorable. How was it that she was finding this man that is about fifty to be adorable. Maybe because he didn't look that old, she could always come to her Uncle B. whenever she needed anything. It really hurt to see that he wasn't himself any longer. Mind you he wasn't drooling or anything gross like that but she could tell that it was killing him not to be himself.

"Why don't you sleep?" she asked him.

"Can't bad dreams." He whispered.

"It's okay. I still don't have to be home for a while. I'll stay if you need to take a little nap." She stated as she took her lighter from his table that she had been playing with earlier.

"You don't need that." Then he took it back.

"How can I set my dolls on fire without my lucky lighter." She asked.

He looked at the lighter, it was nice. He looked closer and realized that it was Melanie's he had given it to her on her birthday. He began to strike it and play with the flame level. He really liked it, it was expensive and she was playing with it.

"This cost 2 grand." He mumbled.

"Two grand! She shrieked. She was about to go on but the door opened and she was shocked to find Lindsay and her Mother on the other end.

"Mom!" she cried.

Lindsay was shocked and thrilled when she found her arms filled with 14 year old JR.

"I missed you so much." She told Lindsay and she leaned in closer to her ear and whispered something that no one could make out.

"What?" Lindsay shrieked.

"Yea he did. Well I'm going to leave you three alone for a while. It's good to see you mom. Mother I'll see you at the homestead. Later Uncle B." and she was gone.

Lindsay understood perfectly what her daughter had whispered into her ear and she walked towards the window in Brian's room closed it and locked it hoping that he wouldn't figure out how to open it again before Justin or someone got there and she could explain.

"How are you feeling, Brian?" Melanie asked.

"Fine." Was his one word answer as he continued to flick the lighter in his hand, and then he began to rummage through his drawers.

"Brian, I know you see that I'm not alone. Look who came to see you." She said referring to Lindsay.

"Hi Brian, how are you feeling?" she asked but Brian wasn't paying her any attention he had found what he had been looking for.

Melanie didn't like the way that this was going, Brian was completely ignoring Lindsay and was that a cigarette he had? He couldn't light that in there, the alarms would go off.

"Brian don't!" she screamed causing the lighter to slip from his hand and catch his bedspread before it went out and clanked to the ground.

The clinking noise combined with the flaming bedspread reminded Lindsay of the fire at Britin and she ran from the room screaming, trying to escape the flames. She nearly knocked down Justin as he entered the room to find Melanie getting the fire extinguisher and putting out the flames and Brian beating his hand against the wall saying over and over again he was sorry. Seeing all of this Justin thought back to what his mom said in the car: adjusting would take time. Well when he saw all of this all he could was that adjusting could be a real bitch.


	6. Chapter 6

**6. Coming Home **

It has really been a long month. After Brian nearly sat his whole room on fire, they decided that it wasn't time for him to come home yet. I totally agreed. We spent the last month meeting with people and teaching Brian to do everyday tasks. It was hard. It's not that he doesn't know what he's doing because he does; it's just that everything is so different now. I can do this, they say the road to recovery is not straight, that there are tons of curves and as long as Brian has a map he can make it. I'm his map. I'm actually excited; I get to take him home today.

Brian looked at himself in the mirror and he would admit it he didn't like the person that stared back at him. The man that stared back was not him; it was who he used to be. Confident and in charge, his reflection knew where he was and where he wanted to go. He knew where he was but he had no clue where he was going. He didn't get to make those decisions anymore. People came in with clipboards and post-its and told him where he was going and where he needed to be. Someone came in and laid his clothes out and watched from a corner while he dressed and bathe himself. They were sure to point out if he buttoned his shirt wrong or if his shoes were on the wrong feet. Oh how they loved making him remember that something about him had been altered. Justin was the same; he would come in and hold his hand and give him a reassuring smile but he hadn't kissed him since the night Gus had brought him back. Not to mention fuck him, he had tried to get him to blow him in the bathroom but he wasn't remotely interested. He didn't blame him. He was nothing.

"Daddy!" shouted Izzy as she entered Brian's room.

"Peanut!" Brian called as he took her in his arms. At least he had her, she didn't treat him differently. In her book, he was still her daddy. That was something, now all he had to do was prove it to the others.

"I tried to make her stay at the house, but she insisted on coming." Justin explained.

"No need to explain, I'm glad she came. Can we leave now?" Brian asked.

"Of course, do you have everything?" Justin asked, but he didn't wait for Brian to reply he started going through the drawers and he went into the bathroom double checking if he had left anything.

"I have everything; you don't have to check after me like I'm a child!" Brian shouted.

"Calm down. Remember what the doctor said. It's okay if something upsets you but there's no need to have an outburst." Justin stated as he came to Brian and rubbed the nape of his neck. "Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yea, can we just go?" Brian asked.

"Sure."

"Daddy, wait until you see my room now it's blue. Remember you were going to paint it for me but then you got sick, and daddy said that he didn't want you to have to worry about a thing so he got the painters to come, so now it's blue. I have my stars and moons and everything. I can't wait for you to see." Izzy stated as she bounced between the two of them as she left the hospital. She waved to all the nurses and some of the patients. She had come to see Brian a lot and she had learned a lot of names. They loved her there. She was going to miss them all but she was glad that her daddy was finally well enough to come home.

"I'm telling you all, you should go. I don't think when he gets out he is going to be up to guests. He'll probably just want to come home and sleep or color." Gus stated.

"How the hell would you know what he wants to do? He was in that place a fucking month and you never went to see him. He's not that bad Gus; he's pretty much still Uncle B. He just gets confused sometimes and is easily agitated but most of that time that's when folks like you treat him, in how you are prepared to treat him. I went to see him twelve times and you couldn't even see him once!" JR stated angrily.

'JR!" scorned Michael.

"It's the truth dad. If that were you, I would have been there every day. Nothing could have kept me away. He didn't go once. What the hell kind of son are you?" she asked getting right in his face.

"JR, your brother doesn't have to explain himself. Some people just deal with things like this a little differently. I talked to Brian and he understood. He didn't want Gus to see him in that place, he didn't want to see you there either but he said you wouldn't stay away." Melanie explained.

"I don't need you taking up for me, Mel." Then he left the living room where everyone was waiting.

"Gus." Lindsay tried to grab for him when he walked by but he pulled away from her as well. "I'm sorry Melanie." Lindsay tried to make her lover feel better.

"No, he has his right to be that way, I did him wrong Lindsay. I wasn't there for him when he needed me and it was so wrong of me. I'm going to do everything I can to make it up to him. I've been trying to make him see how sorry I am for so long now."

"We both have to make it up to him; but JR, wow she speaks her mind doesn't she." Lindsay added.

"That's my girl." Quipped Melanie.

Justin looked into his rearview mirror as they were pulling up and couldn't help but smile. It was moments like this that he was completely positive that Izzy was Brian's daughter. He had decided to sit in the back with her and now they both were sound asleep with their faces pressed up against their respected windows. They both were snoring and it was the just cutest thing that he had ever seen.

"Home sweet home." He thought to himself. He said a silent prayer hoping that everything would go alright today. Brian was better now. He still wasn't his Brian and he knew now that he would never get his Brian back but he could love this Brian. He really could, he just hoped no one would upset him at this party. He needed to have a good homecoming.

Christina knew Britin like the back of her hand now and she knew exactly where to find Gus, he was in the room with the train. Just sliding his hands over each train. She could tell that he wanted to cry but he wouldn't; at least not know when someone could see.

"She's wrong you know." She stated as she put her hands around his waist.

"No she's not. I was horrible. I didn't go and see him not once. They say we are just alike and they kept coming and telling me how he said he didn't want me to see him in that place. He did, he wanted me to come and I didn't. I'm a no-good son. He's not even dead, Ted said that when he went to see him he only did one weird thing the whole time that most of the visit he was pretty much him, and here I am sitting in here mourning him and he's not even dead."

"It's fine. If the two of you are anything alike then he knew you weren't going to come and he want hold it against you. So why don't you stop hiding and go on and greet your dad. I heard him and Justin pull up a few minutes ago."

"Okay." Gus took her hand and they exited the workshop to look for his father.

Waking up is always the worst. You have to access everything; you have to remember what you were doing when you fell asleep and if you were doing something important or if you were in fact supposed to be asleep. Waking up is the worst, and I hate it, but it would be so much worst if I didn't wake up, so I thank the big guy for the fact that I do.

Brian opened his eyes and was very shocked to find out that he was in fact inside of a car. "What the fuck?" he thought. Then he realized that he had come home. He was home and they had just gotten out of the car and left him. I guess they just figured hey what kind of man can't get out of a car, or whatever. Of course I can get out of a car. "Okay get the fuck out of the car." Brian thought.

Brian reached for the door but it wouldn't budge. He looked at the lock and it was up, and it's up when the door is unlocked so why the fuck couldn't he unlock the door. He reached for the handle again, but he got nothing. He giggled it, and still nothing. He took a couple of reassuring breaths and thought to himself that everything was okay, he wasn't in any kind of danger he could just get out of the car.

"Damn it." He screamed.

He pulled and he pulled again and again and still the door wouldn't open. Why was the world so cruel, why did the world hate him so fucking much? He began to beat his head up against the window; surely they would hear that right? Right?"

Isabella had been in the house forever and she noticed that her daddy still hadn't gotten out of the car. Justin had just left him there; she would go and see what was keeping him. She went out and saw her daddy couldn't get out, he couldn't get his seatbelt to come undone and his door wouldn't open. She knew why, her daddy had left the special locks on the backdoor so she couldn't fall out but she knew how to take them off. She climbed back in the car on the driver seat and clicked the little button that removed the child safety locks and watched as her daddy practically ran from the car.

Brian was outside trying to catch his breath, he had gone beyond hyperventilating and he was pretty sure if he didn't calm himself soon he would probably blackout. He didn't need that, he didn't need to blackout.

"It's okay daddy, you just have to breathe." Isabella stated. She knew what this was, her daddy Justin would do this sometime and then her daddy would have him sit down. She grabbed Brian's hand and led him to the comfy chairs that were outside the front of their house.

"It's okay daddy. Everything is alright just breathe; no one can see." She explained. She knew what she was doing she had watch her dad and he said these things to Justin. She was helping, she liked helping.

Brian looked up in the eyes of this sweet girl and he couldn't help it. Just when he thought that he would kill himself, a face like hers would make him remember what he was living for. Izzy, she loved him, and she still saw the man that she always known. That is who would get better for. Forget Justin and his non-touching and Gus and his dejection. He didn't need any of them. He had Izzy.

"Thanks Peanut." He said and he gave her a good squeeze.

"So you wanna go in now, Grandma Joan brought cake. I asked could I have a slice and she said that you had to get the first slice because it was your favorite."

"Yea come on, I'll give you a big slice for helping me."

Brian took her hand and they walked into the house. He didn't know what was about to happen but when he looked at her happy face and felt her warm hand in his coming home wasn't so bad.


	7. Chapter 7

**7. Coming Home Part 2 **

Gus Peterson was a coward. Chris was helping him to find his dad but then Debbie had called for God knows what and he had went on search on his own. WE he found him, he didn't know what to do. He saw him struggling with the seatbelt and he knew the right thing to do was to help, but where was Justin? Who had put his father in this predicament? He wanted to help, but he didn't want to belittle his father. Even as he saw him panicking in his seat and practically crying, he didn't help; instead he ran. He ran like a little kid, and now he stood in his bedroom with the lights off hoping no one would find him.

"Hey you, where did you disappear to; did you find him?" Christina asked.

"Oh I found him, but he was talking and I didn't want to interrupt." Gus lied.

"Really? I didn't even know that he came in yet, I saw Justin but I didn't see him. He must've have gone upstairs or something. No harm, come on let's go and talk to him.

"I don't know, it's getting to be a lot of people here, and you know how it can be. How about you and I go and grab a burger or something and come back when it's quieter?" Gus asked hoping for once she was just go with him and not try to analyze everything.

"You have to stop running. He's home now and he's going to be living in the house with you. You will see him every day, there's no more running. Now I know if I were your dad I would be dying to see you. The two of you are so close, don't you think he wants to see you?" she asked.

"No. That's not him, okay!" Gus snapped.

"I lied. I lied to you about going to see my dad." He cried.

"What are you talking about? No one told me you went to see him, he didn't even tell me when I went to see him. He thought you were going to come in. He kept asking for you and then I had to lie and say you had Izzy, you should have seen the hurt on his face. You told me you didn't go and see him, when did you go and see him?" she asked confused.

"I went right after he had the fire in the room. Mom came back and she was upset and they said that he had set the room on fire, and I thought back to Britin burning and how upset he was after finding Sarah and so I went there. They said that he had been upset and they had finally gotten him to calm down and I could go in. I went in like a fool and he was…they had …they had tied him to the bed. His arms and his legs and he was trying to break free and he was mad. He was crazy, I went and I tried to comfort him and I told him that I was Gus and he told me that I wasn't. He didn't fucking know who I was. I called for the nurse and she told me that it was normal. That they had to give him something to calm him down and with his injury sometimes it affects the mind. He was crazy; I don't know who that man was but it was not my father."

Christina really didn't know what to say when he told her that. She realized that if it was her father and she went and saw him like that it would mess up her big time. She wouldn't be running from him though. She would be there for him to tell him that it was going to be alright. Gus had to stop being so afraid. He had been abandoned by so many people, but during all of this his father had been there for him and well it was time that he be there for his dad.

"Gus, they said that it was because of the drugs that he was acting that way. He's better now; when I went and saw him he told me all these stories about when you were a kid. He loves you so much. He only forgot who I was twice and that's understandable since it was only his second time meeting me and both times were after his injury. He told me about your trains, and he was so worried that you wouldn't want to see him that way. He was so afraid that you wouldn't want him to be your dad. He was afraid that you would think he left you and he's right. The two of you are so much alike that it hurts sometimes."

"No Christina, I thought that would be the case. That it was just a bad moment when I caught him but when I got outside he was still in the car. He couldn't get out, I think Justin had the child locks on and he just left him there to fend for himself. How the hell could he do that, just leave him in the car?" Gus asked getting upset.

"Justin doesn't know if he's coming or going at the moment. He's worried about your dad and Izzy and of course you, but through all of this he is worried about your dad because something keeps telling him that he is not going to get back the man that he loves, and he's still clinging to that. You can see that when you talk to Justin. He doesn't talk about what's going on with Brian now, all of his memories are in the past and when Brian gets back to normal. He is normal. Don't you love him Gus?" she asked quietly.

"Of course I love him, don't ask something like that, Christina; you know I love my father."

Christina knew that she had cut a chord because he was speaking to her using her whole name.

"Then get your ass down those stairs and give him the biggest hug you can give. He needs you right now, because Justin isn't enough. He needs us all."

"I know. Could you just give me a moment alone, please?"

"Gus?" she questioned.

"I'm just going to change and wash my face; I'll be down in ten minutes. If I'm not, you can come in here and get me."

"Okay, I think I am going to get a slice of your grandma's cake. I'll be timing you, mister." Then she kissed him on the cheek and left the room.

Joan Kinney watched from a distance as her son and his daughter entered the house. She could tell immediately that something had him upset. She and Brian hadn't totally forgiven each other for things said in the past but they at least were civil with each other. He had allowed her to come back to his family when she had a stroke three years ago. She still didn't approve of his lifestyle but when he took her in his home and cared for her when her own daughter refused, she got to know Justin as a person and as a person she quite liked him a lot. She couldn't understand their relationship but she treasured the friendship she had forged with Justin and little Izzy even called her grandma. She wanted to go to her son, but would he allow her to give him comfort? She was about to find out.

Brian couldn't believe the comfort that his little girl was providing for him. She shouldn't be the one providing comfort; it should be the other way around, but here he was sitting in their favorite spot while she went on and on about everything just like it was a typical night. They were guests all around at a party he guesses for him but he was glad no one seemed to bother or even care that he was there.

"So do you want me to go and get the cake now daddy?" Izzy asked.

"Yea, why don't you go ahead and tell grandma to give us both a slice. Get yourself a big one but a small one for me."

"Did I hear someone say something about my cake?" Joan asked as she approached them both with a slice of her cake.

"Thanks mom." Brian stated as he took the fork in his hand. Sometimes his hands would shake when he was upset and he tried not to seem upset because Izzy was there and she still thought he was the same, but when he took the fork his hand shook.

"Izzy, do you want to do you think you can be a good girl and do your grandma a favor?" Joan asked.

"Oh yea, I sure can I can do you a favor." She answered excited about what she could be doing.

"Well you just can't have chocolate cake without milk and on the counter in the kitchen are two glasses of milk I fixed for you and your daddy; why don't you go on in there and get them and then you can have your cake."

"I can do that. I'll be right back daddy; you can go ahead and eat if you like. It looks so good." Then she ran from the living room leaving them alone.

Brian once again reached for the fork and tried again to complete the simple task of eating his cake but once again his hand shook. He was upset, he had all the right to be; his partner left him a car to rot, it was his party but no one was talking to him. His son hated him, Justin too. The only person who wanted to carry on a conversation with him was a 4 year old. He wasn't that far gone, was he? If he was, he truly was pathetic.

"I remember when I had just had my stroke." Joan started as she took the fork from her son and fed him a forkful of his favorite cake. "My emotions were everywhere, I would be so upset one minute, and insanely happy the next. I didn't know what was the matter with me; they told me that after the brain suffers a shock of some kind that it can take a while for everything to find a balance. You remember me then, I could barely move. I didn't want anyone doing a thing for me, and I couldn't even walk. Your baby was barely walking but you got me here and you took care of me, Brian. That's when I got to know Justin as more than just your boy. You were there for me Brian and I was a horrible person to you."

"Mom." Brian said, trying to make her stop.

"Let me finish, I was a horrible person. The things that I turned away from while your father…I partially wonder if all those times that I let him hit you is that why you ended up like this. I'm not saying that you are different because you aren't. Not where it matters, I think that now you're just turning into that sweet little boy that I knew. I'm here for you Brian; if it gets too much, or if you need someone to scream at you can use me. I know that Debbie is your mom, but I'm still your mother." Then she wiped his mouth and waited for that to sink in.

"Don't fall for it you idiot!" Brian thought. She can't be trusted. She'll just pull you in and then when you think that she loves you, she'll run away. She can't handle you, she doesn't appreciate you. You took her in, when her own daughter wouldn't and what did you get in the end? Nothing. Now she's even got Izzy on her side; don't do it." Brian told himself.

"I'm so scared." He said and he let his mom take him in her arms. He cried. He knew that he was being the biggest fag around but so what. He had brain damage and the person that he thought would love him forever is already turning against him or something like that. He has no one. He has her and she wants to be there for him. So be it. For now she was supplying what he needed..

All he needed was this cigarette and then everything would be okay. Brian didn't like him smoking and he could understand that coming from a guy who had cancer but he needed this to calm his nerves and then be able to take the rest of the day. He looked at his watch and it was after five. Why were they still there? That had seen Brian and he was… "Oh shit!" Justin said to himself and he ran around the front of the house to where he left the car. It was empty of course. He took a sigh of relief when he saw that Brian was out.

"So what are your plans?" Emmett asked Brian as he took a seat across from him on the sofa.

"Plans?" Brian asked confused.

"Well yea sweetie, they did say that you could go back to work right. I mean, I thought it was just a memory thing. I knew they said that you probably wouldn't remember some things that happened a few months right before it happened which is good because we had a superhero night at Babylon honey, and well let's just say that a certain someone wanted you and him to Cosplay his creation and spandex is not your friend. So what are your plans are you going back to work?"

"They won't want me there."

"Honey it's not about what they want; that's your pride and joy. You put on your best suit and Monday morning you walk in there and you show them who exactly Brian Fucking Kenny is."

"You're right, I've been feeling down and crying and I need to remember that. I need to take back what I want. Thanks Em, I knew there was a reason I kept you around."

Emmett watched his friend bounce up the stairs with some pep in his step. He had seen the exchange between Brian and his mother and how folks didn't seem to know what to say to him. He found it heartbreaking; this was supposed to be his welcome home party and the whole time he spent with his daughter and his mother. They had to stop this and they had to stop it now. Brian would never recover if people focused on what he couldn't do instead what he still could.

Justin walked into their bedroom once again wishing that they would just leave. He had to put Brian to bed; he was tired by now. He needed to rest; didn't they realize that. He turned around and was startled when Brian was there.

"Hi. I didn't know you were up here. I've been trying to get them to leave, Brian. I know you need your rest."

"I don't need rest. I'm not tired, and yea I finally made it up here after you left me in the car with the safety locks on!" Brian said angrily.

"Oh Brian, I'm so sorry, are you alright." Justin asked as he came and sat beside him taking his hand checking his pulse.

"That's what I'm talking about right there, I'm not an invalid. They said I could come home but I don't think you want me here at all."

"That's not true; of course I want you to come home. It's been crazy without you here. I'm so glad you're home." Justin said and he gently kissed him on the cheek.

Brian took this as a chance to take back what he missed the most. He kissed Justin deeply on the mouth. He wanted to savor it; take a few moments just to feel the inside of his mouth. It felt like ages since they kissed like this. He loved how Justin just turned to mush and melted for him. He slid his hand under his shirt and was relieved to find him aroused. He undid his zipper and couldn't help the smile when he was practically coming by his touch.

"Justin." He moaned as he lowered his lover to the bed. He climbed on top of him and undid his fly. He had missed this so; he wanted to be buried deep inside his lover this was going to be so….

"What did you say?" Brian asked confused.

"I said don't." Justin replied.

"What? Why are you telling me to stop; I can tell that you want this, the body doesn't lie." Brian said unbelieving what was going on.

"You've only just gotten home; it's been a long day. Let's get you to bed and then we can have this time for us tomorrow."

"Really? So you are going to pencil me in for a fuck then?" Brian stated getting upset.

"Don't get upset, you know what the therapist said." Justin stated backing towards the door.

"What the fuck is the matter with you? Why did you even bring me home? It's so clear to me that you don't want me here? You should have just left me in that place. I'm not like that, I'm fine. Why don't you love me anymore?" Brian was upset but he wouldn't cry damn it. Brian Fucking Kinney didn't cry; he fucking got what he wanted.

He walked toward Justin on a mission. He was going to show him who he was. They had done lots of things in the bedroom and he knew that his partner liked it rough. He walked toward Justin and grabbed him forcefully and threw him on the bed. He couldn't really tell what look was on Justin's face, if it was shock, or fear, or excitement. He didn't care. It was time that Justin realized that he was still the same man. He kissed Justin, pulling and his hair and the man gasped in his mouth. He knew it, Justin loved him. Justin still wanted this. When he stopped for a breath to look at his lover to make sure he hadn't crossed the line he was happy to find his lover smiling back at him.

"I love you so much." Justin said.

"I know." He said with a smirk and begsn to kiss him. Justin let him remove his pants this time and stood up to turn back the bed.

"Come on let's go to bed." Justin invited him.

"What about the guests?" Brian asked.

"When they hear what we're doing they'll get the hint and go home." Justin stated.

Brian was ashamed of what he was about to say but he hoped his lover would understand.

"I need to go to the bathroom first." He stated looking embarrassed.

"Oh that's fine, go right ahead I'll just get under the covers.

"Okay." Brian stated cheerfully and went to the bathroom. Justin was glad that he closed the door. He quickly went to the things that they had brought home and he found the vial he was looking for. He got out a syringe and filled it with the prescribed amount. He was sorry for doing this, really he was; but it had been a long day and he really was not up to making love with Brian right now. He needed his rest to get better. He quickly climbed into bed, and put the syringe in his left hand where Brian wouldn't see.

"Sorry." He stated as he climbed into bed.

"Now where were we?"

"Right here." Justin stated and he leaned into his lover and gave him a long kiss. He really missed this, tasting the taste of Brian's mouth wash on his tongue. "I'm so sorry." Then he plunged the needle into his shoulder.

"For what?" Brian asked surprised and then the look utter betrayal came over his face and it hurt Justin. He didn't know what to make of it.

"Why?" was all he managed as his head fell upon Justin chest, he was out cold.

"Welcome home sweetheart, I really have missed you." He stated and he pulled him up in the bed and covered him. He would sleep for a good eight hours, and he wouldn't be alone. He fixed his clothes and decided it was time to get rid of his guests, and then he'd return to Brian.


	8. Chapter 8

**8. Brian Fucking Kinney **

It had been a week since Brian's Welcome Home Party; to say that things are tense would be an understatement. He doesn't eat anything I give him. First he offers some to Izzy, and she's only four and he knows that I wouldn't let her have anything that has his medication in it. So if I don't stop him she'll eat it as well. I can't really blame him, I used something that was prescribed only if he is out of control and I used it on him when all he wanted to do was love me. I'm a horrible person. You don't think I know this. I know it, but if I would have done it, I would be even more.

"So how is it going?" My mother asks as she and I sit in our backyard as Izzy and Brian play with a kite.

"They are good, how are you?" I ask unable to hide the amazement from my features. My mom is nearly fifty and she's having a baby. It's dangerous in her age and well it's something she and Tucker never expected.

"Oh we're doing fantastic sweetheart, any day now. I was asking about him though, what does he do every day?"

"Nothing really, he does a lot of writing. I ask him what it is he is writing but he doesn't tell me. He doesn't sleep in our bedroom anymore. I don't care; it's probably for the best."

Jennifer frowns at this, there's something odd.

"Honey I'm sorry. I thought he'd be more like you were. I mean you had a problem with touch but he helped you with that; is it harder for you to return the favor?" she asked concerned and confused as well.

"Oh no mom, that's the problem. Every day he's trying to jump me, I swear I can't get him to back off. He wants to have sex." He stated as if it's the sickest thing in the world.

"Darling, correct if I'm missing something, but don't you want to have sex with him. I have no clue on how your relationship was before this happened but I did think you were having sex.

"Mom, I can't have sex with him now!" he shouted.

Jennifer took a moment to look at Brian. Izzy had decided she no longer wanted to play with the kite and now he was pushing her on the swing, the higher she got the more she laughed and he laughed too. It was good seeing him like that, she liked when Brian let his barriers down and since the accident he had let a lot of stuff go; he was almost like a child.

"Oh dear." She stated when it clicked in her head.

"Honey, that's not the case in this situation, you can have sex with him."

"What?" Justin stated not ready to accept that his mother knew him that well and was figuring it out.

"You heard me, I know that they said that he had lost some of his mental capabilities but honey he doesn't have the mind of a child. If you were to have sex with him and he wants to have sex it wouldn't be some form of molestation or rape. You love him. He loves you, can you imagine what he must be feeling if you want touch him back?"

"It's wrong; it's still happening you know. He woke up next to me the other night and for three hours he didn't even know who I was, mom. It scared me to death. I wanted to hug him and hold him but he told me I'd taken his sunshine away. Once he came back to his senses, I fed him, and I put him to bed. When I was sure he was asleep I went in the bathroom and cried for an hour, and the next morning he hadn't the slightest idea that he had slipped away."

"What does the doctor say about this?" she asked concerned, as she took another look at the man who was now again just sitting in the sand with his daughter while she went on and on about something.

"You know, same old bullshit. The brain is complex and everyone is different. They still don't know why I have the problems with my hand mom so how the hell can they tell me if he's going to stay like this forever or not. At this rate, I'm to the conclusion that one morning he could wake up and it's like it never happened, or he wakes up and has no idea who I am. Then there's Gus."

"What about Gus?" she asked concerned for the boy she now took as her grandson.

"He doesn't like his father very much. I mean they were finally close after everything with Lindz and now he can barely look at him. Sometimes at night I can hear him cry, and then I can find his father just standing outside of his room wanting to go in but not knowing if he's invited. They are still so much alike, both of them wanting to comfort the other and both afraid. It would be the cutest thing I've ever seen if it wasn't so heartbreaking."

"It'll work out, sweetheart."

"I hope so."

The plan was back on. He didn't want him anymore, and he was tired of being a defect, so he was going to kill himself. This time he wouldn't get distracted by Izzy and some damn story. Or JR coming over talking about how she was getting on her mother's nerves this week; and definitely not by the neighbor's new red car. He was fascinated by it for a whole hour last week. What the fuck? This was not him. He hated the reflection that looked back at him every morning. He wanted to be that reflection. Instead, he was this asshole that he hated. God he hated this guy, who the fuck was this guy?

"Daddy!" Izzy shouted, breaking Brian from his thoughts of suicide.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"Nothing, you ready to go in?" he asked wanting to get away from Justin and his mother. He wasn't stupid. They were up there talking about him in the big chairs while he was down here on, what was this, a play date. If he was still normal, he'd be up there and Izzy would be swinging as he watched from the seat, while Justin sat in his lap and he and his mother joked about how they were only four years in their age difference. Nope none of that, he was down here with the kiddies and the mommies were up there.

"Bitch!" he shouted.

"Oh daddy, you said a bad word; you've got to put a quarter in the swear jar." Izzy scolded.

"I'm an adult and sometimes I swear; it's no big deal."

"No daddy, you said that if you swear you have to put a quarter in the swear jar." She said getting angrier."

"No Isabella, I'm your father; you will not talk to me like that."

"You're not the daddy anymore silly, you're like me. You're a big baby; daddy has to take you the bathroom." Izzy said and she couldn't help but laugh when she said that.

"You take that back right now!" he screamed, as he hopped to his feet."

"No you're just a big old baby, and you said a bad word and now you better put a quarter in the fucking jar right now, mister!" she shrieked and covered her mouth realizing what she said.

"You are so gonna get it now; go to your room right now."

"You can't tell me what to do; yesterday you couldn't even remember you were the daddy. You're nothing! Tell him Justin; tell him he ain't the daddy!"

Isabella knew the moment she saw her father's lip tremble that she had said the wrong thing.

"Daddy I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."

"He told you that?" Brian asked unable to believe his ears.

"Yes he said that you and I could play but if I needed help with something like the pancakes or something to tell him but not you. He was taking over your daddy job, but I like you like this. You have more time to play now, not just the weekends but everyday. Don't be mad."

"I'm not. I'm … just you stay here with your daddy and grandma I'm going to go and lie down."

"Daddy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." She stated begging he believe her.

"I know Peanut, I'll be back later." He walked away; he knew what had to happen for things to at least begin to get back to normal.

When Izzy saw her daddy leave before he cried she knew that she had to tell Justin. So she ran up to the deck to tell him what she'd done and that she was so sorry that she made her daddy cry. He hoped he let her make it better.

Christina read the letter again for the third time and couldn't help but beam at her boyfriend. She knew that he was very smart and that he was capable of so much, but this was great. He was going to be allowed to skip a grade and he was being inducted into the Honor's Society. He was going to be the key speaker this year. It was very excited.

"Wow, have you told your folks?" she asked.

"I told mom, she's been at the house now, you know helping out with Izzy, and I emailed Melanie. I'm sure she'll read it next month sometime and find a way to blame my father for her missing the ceremony. Oh she can't blame him now; he probably doesn't know what the day is." He said bitterly.

She didn't like the way that Gus was treated his father. Well that was an understatement; he wasn't treating him like anything and it hurt. How were they ever going to be able to get through this kind of thing now if he was being so closed off? She liked his dad a lot, of course she didn't know him before the accident but he was so kind and caring now; she could imagine that is how he has always been.

"Have you even talked to him at all, Gus?"

"Maybe, what's the use; like everyone knows he can't be trusted. Justin took his driver's license and he's not going to work now. I caught Justin lying out his clothes. Do you know that he makes lists now? Lists, I saw one the other day. It was like wake up, get dressed, remember to take bath, do your socks match? It's pathetic, and Justin is right there holding his hand and just pitying the fuck out of him. It all makes me sick!"

"How do you know it's pity, I was talking to your mother, and she says that when Justin was in high school something happened to him that messed him up in the head and your dad took him in? They say that he would have moments of rage and he tried to close everyone out. Well except your dad; they say that nothing could break their bond." She couldn't help it, she couldn't say something like that without smiling.

"Oh please, I don't know what soap opera you think their love is but it took forever for my dads to get where they are. I know it took a lot of fucking around on each other and cheating. Hell, Justin had to literally be blown to smithereens for my dad to tell him he loved him. My mom had to burn down a house and the other one had to drop me off on his doorstep for him to tell me he loved him. He's an asshole. I don't know what's taking me so long to figure this out.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She asked giving him a shake. "Now I've tried and I've tried to understand what's going on in your head but I'm at lost. Before this happened and you wanted me to meet, you two were close as two peas in a pod, and that train. The train is a key point to how close you are. And ever since he came back and he needed more help, you've been cold, hell you've been cruel. Why the fuck are you acting like this when he needs you the most?" she asked. She knew that she was being cruel but she need answers.

He began to pace back and forth in front of her. She knew it was coming, he was going to crack. He had cracked before but she really needed her to let him in. She was standing right there and he needed to know that she loved him that together they could get through anything. Hell, she had told him this, time and time again but she didn't know if she believed him. Hell, he was scared to tell his father he was straight, but now it was like he didn't even have a father. She wanted to know what the problem was.

"Your father needs you. He misses you. Gus, I would kill if I could have my mom or dad; and you, you're throwing it all away. What the fuck is your problem?"

"He left me okay! When mom left and when Melanie threw me away he told me that none of that mattered because he was never going anywhere. That I would always have him and Justin because they loved me. He told me he'd always be there for me, but he's not. He's gone. I wake up every morning and I look at him and for a while he's there, he's right there, my dad. The guy I have breakfast with every Saturday morning, the guy who takes me to Kinnetik and is so proud of me, he taught me to drive. He's right there smiling at me and everything's fine but then a car backfires and he's huddled in a corner because the loud noise scared him. Then he's on the couch watching cartoons with Izzy, and they both are covered in paint because they've been painting all day and she's happy because she and her dad have painted pictures all day, and he's realizing how more pathetic he's becoming. I can't keep going back to that place and seeing that."

"You have to. He's there, you just said it yourself. You have to take the good with the bad, I know it's hard but it's barely been two months. The doctors don't know shit; they said that Justin would never draw again and he has sold all those beautiful paintings. Your dad needs you, and he's proud of you. I want you to take this letter and go find your dad and share it with him."

"He won't understand." Gus tried to get her to understand but she didn't. He didn't want to take this letter home and have his father look at it and smile because he knows he should but not because he knows why.

"Go, he just might surprise you."

"Okay. I'll do it.

Justin could hear the talking coming from the bedroom before he entered. He didn't know what to expect, he had left his daughter outside with his mother while he dealt with Brian. He didn't know what state Brian would be in when he went inside. He took the syringe from his pocket, and put in the dosage he just needed to sleep; that's all he needed and everything would be okay. The trick would be getting him the shot without him noticing. He looked in his other pocket and found a spinning top. That was Brian's and Izzy's new thing. He was shocked how earlier in the week Brian had got distracted by a spinning top that he totally forgot that he was ironing and burned his hand. It didn't hurt him much but the whole short attention span thing was another one of Brian's new habits that was taking its toll. He heard one more drawer slam and he knew it was time to go in.

He was shocked by what he saw when he went in the bedroom, Brian was deep in the closet putting clothes into two suitcases. He was deeply confused.

"Brian, Izzy wants to come up and tell you that she's sorry. She misunderstood what I was telling her."

"Oh really and what exactly were you telling her, Justin."

"I just told her that if you know she wanted something to eat, that had to do with real cooking like turning on the stove or something, that she could ask me before she went to you."

"So you told my daughter that her dad was a dumb as a post knowing that he couldn't cook her a fucking pancake! Thanks a lot Justin."

The sting of Brian use of the word "my" was not lost on Justin. He hated when they would argue and Brian would use that; he knew that he was scared that Isabella was in fact his daughter and that he was once again only another father to one of his children.

"Brian, you're doing so good with your therapy but you know the doctor said that you should….

"The doctor said you can't drive, and the doctors said ask for help, and the doctor said do you know what soap is, the doctor can kiss my ass!" Brian said even angrier as he shoved more clothes into a duffle bag.

"You just need to calm down, calm down and we can have a nice lie down and talk about this later." Justin stated calmly as he approached Brian.

"Oh no you, stay the fuck right there. I don't need to calm down. I'm not having some kind of emotional outburst or whatever the fuck. I can see clearly, I'm on my pill and I see clearer than I have in days. You won' be drugging me. You want be doing anything to me, so you can just stab yourself with that fucking tranquilizer." He stated clearly upset. He stopped to look at what he was doing. What the fuck was he doing? He thought to himself.

"What the fuck was I doing?" Brian asked.

Justin came up closer to him. He didn't have the heart to tell him that he guessed that he was planning to leave but all the clothes he packed were his and he hadn't packed anything of his own.

"It's alright sweetheart. Just come downstairs with me, we'll go and get Izzy and the two of you can watch TV while I make lunch." He said soothingly. He would get him downstairs on the couch and he'd give him a sleeping pill with lunch. He just needed him to calm down before things really got out of hand.

Brian reached for Justin but then something triggered in his mind and he pulled away.

"You God Damn son of a bitch! You were trying to placate me; I know what I'm doing"

"No sweetheart, I think that maybe you got angry outside and were coming up here to pack and leave me, but I think you got mixed up." Justin told him. He hated correcting Brian but that's what a part of his therapy helped him recognize the problem and then they fix it together.

Brian started laughing, he looked down at the things scattered around the room and couldn't stop laughing as he continued putting Justin's things in a bag.

"What's so funny?" Justin asked alarmed. This kind of episode of Brian was new, he might have to call the Calvary in and get himself some real help.

"I know what I was doing. I was coming to pack your shit and tell you to get the fuck out!"

"What?" Justin asked really confused this time.

"Brian doesn't need anyone to pity him and that's what you're doing, you are pitying me. They are no locks on the door and I will tell everyone that I was finr in you leaving so take your shit and get the fuck out! He shouted this time shoving Justin from the room.

"You can't be serious, I'm not that child anymore Brian. I am your equal and you can not and will not get rid of me this easily."

"Why not, I'm not who you want anymore. He's on the highway somewhere; this is who I am. You can't even bare to look at me so why don't you go and find you some fiddler or gang member or whatever is your flavor of the month is right now and get the fuck away from me." Brian shouted right in his face causing him to back away.

"You scared Justin? You scared of poor brain damaged Brian? You hate that you have to ask me if I went to the bathroom, or did I take a bath; well how do you think it makes me feel having to remember if I did those things. I have to check it off of a fucking list. You told my daughter I'm not her daddy anymore. I'm her father, you are not; I mean come on look in the mirror."

"You don't have to be so cruel."

"You have to see what's in front of you!" Brian shouted getting fed up.

"What?"

"Me. I'm standing right here! Would you have rather I died? I know that sometimes I can be different and I'm sorry and I want to be here for you; but you have got to realize that this is not about you. If you can't handle the way that I am now, then you can get out. I'm not asking you to be my buddy, I don't want a roommate I want a lover!"

"Fine. I don't need this, Brian. Remember this; once I'm gone I'm gone."

"Bye." He shouted pushing Justin from their bedroom and slamming the door in his face.

Justin couldn't believe it. He didn't really understand. That conversation was all over the place; who the fuck did he think he was. Throwing him out like that, telling him that Izzy was his. He needed to realize that he was not a kid anymore. He was halfway down the stairs to his mother and Izzy and then it hit him.

"Oh my god." He shouted and then he headed back upstairs.

"Who the hell did Justin think he was?" Brian asked his reflection in the mirror. "Did he think that I was going to let him stand there and do that to me? To us? You're just sitting there taking it like a baby. I'm in charge, you hear me?" he shouted to the reflection once more. "You can't win, I'm back for good." He shouted to the impish looking reflection in the mirror.

He walked back to the bedroom and turned on the light in the closet. He reached deep in the back and found the bottle of JB he kept stashed there for occasions like this. He hadn't had a drink since he came back from the hospital. He never wanted one, but things changed. Justin trying to turn Izzy against him was what he needed to come back. The fog was lifted, the drugs were working, he wasn't damaged; he was Brian Fucking Kinney and he was getting his life back. He heard the door creak open and Justin walked in.

"What the fuck do you want?" he asked him.

"This." Justin stalked towards Brian; he was a man on a mission. He was halfway running away and then it dawned on him. It was Brian, not the scared little man he had brought back from the hospital but Brian and he was throwing him away….again. He walked up close to him and kissed him passionately.

"What do you think you're doing?" Brian asked.

"I think I'm about to get fucked by the Stud of Liberty Avenue."

"Oh really?"

"Yea."

Brian kissed him even harder than the kiss that he had just given him. He was buried deep inside of him before they even hit the floor. Oh yes, he was Brian Fucking Kinney and he was back.


	9. Chapter 9

**9. The calm **

Gus Peterson stood outside the door to the kitchen just taking in the voices. He could hear his dad and Izzy laughing like two little children. He took a deep breath and walked in to face it. He could do this. He promised Chris he would do it.

"What are you two doing?" Gus asked when he walked in the kitchen and found them sitting at the counter with sundaes in front of them but their spoons were on their noses.

"I made daddy sad earlier. I told him that he wasn't the real daddy anymore. He went to bed and then he asked if I wanted ice cream."

"You told him what?" Gus shouted.

"Gus, do not yell at your sister."

Gus stopped immediately, and sort of looked at his dad. Something was different about him.

"Izzy go upstairs check on your gram, I need to talk to your brother." He said sternly.

"Okay." She got her ice cream and left the kitchen.

Gus knew it was now or never. He was about to hand his dad his congratulatory letter but his phone started ringing that damn hamster song which is annoying but is Chris' ring tone and she should know that he hadn't done it that fast not yet. She would have to wait so he sent the phone to voicemail.

Brian knew that Gus obviously had something he wanted to share but the hamster song thingy was so catchy and two days ago when he asked Gus had showed him this thing where you had to kill the little hamsters on his phone and he so wanted to see that. He wanted to kill the hamster, he had gotten the highest score and….

"Dad!" Gus shouted getting his father's attention.

"Sorry you were saying?" Brian asked.

I got a letter today that I think you should take a look at." Gus said nervously.

"What kind of letter?" Brian asked.

"Here have a look?" Gus stated as he handed his father the letter.

He sat there, nervous, as he watched his father read the letter. He didn't really understand what he was looking at. Brian's face was a total blank with no kind of emotion what so ever. He didn't know if he even knew what he was talking about. He passed him the letter and went upstairs.

Gus was stunned he knew that there was a chance that his father wouldn't understand it but what just happened was totally over his head. He wanted to cry, was he really gone for good. He thought of the train expo and what he and his dad had planned for the show this year and when he thought about that not happening well he couldn't help the anger that built up inside of him.

"It's not fair!" he shouted as he threw the salt shaker across the room.

"Hey, would you stop you're going to wake up your sister!" Brian scowled when he came downstairs. "Now what's the matter?"

Gus didn't have the heart to tell his father was the matter but then he noticed that his father was holding a box.

"What's that?" he asked.

"What?" Brian asked confused.

"What's that you're holding there?" he asked.

"Oh!" Brian shouted remembering what he was doing. "Come over here, I wanna show you something.

Brian handed Gus a worn out piece of paper. He was surprised to find out that it was pretty much exactly like the one that he had been afraid to show his father.

"When I first came to the Pitts I had this letter given to me, but I decided that I didn't want to do this. I had just met your Uncle Mikey and he needed me and, well, I couldn't just leave him. So that's the decision that you have to make. Do you want to leave your friends and move up ahead of them and join a class of kids that probably won't like you and you'll have something to prove, or stay back with the rest of your friends and graduate with honors."

Gus couldn't believe this. He was talking to his dad, and it wasn't about ice cream, or finger painting. It was all about real stuff and he was happy. He almost didn't get the blank look on his dad face he was waiting for him to give him an answer.

"Well!" Brian asked.

"I don't know, I think maybe I'd like to stay where I am. That way Chris and I can graduate together."

"Now you can't base this answer on some girl; you have to know yourself, what you want to do."

"No, that's what I want to do. For myself, like you did you know stay with those that I know."

"That's my boy. Now come on let's go upstairs and tell your mother so he can have himself a good cry." Brian joked referring to Justin.

"Okay."

As Gus walked upstairs with his father, he couldn't help but smile at the calmness that he felt. Maybe things would be alright after all.


	10. The Right Combination

**10. The Right Combination **

Justin woke up the next morning very happy. He hadn't felt this at ease and relaxed since the accident. Brian proved to him last night that he was still there; he really didn't know what it was that made him think that his lover could be gone. He should have known that Brian was still in there. He would take the advice from his mother, and then he looked around the room and noticed that it was empty.

Brian looked at himself in the mirror and frowned. He could feel himself slipping, he was slipping away from existence and he didn't want that to happen. He was on point; all he had to do was get the right combination he thought, as he took a look at his prescribed pills. These little magic pills were what made it happen yesterday. He took more than he was supposed to have taken and it had given him his life back. Damn it he wanted it back.

"What are you doing?" Justin asked when he opened the bathroom door to find Brian staring in the mirror naked. He couldn't help but smirk at the look of his partner early in the morning. Then it dawned on him maybe Brian had forgotten something. "You okay?" he asked again a bit nervous.

"Yes I was, you know, getting ready and all. See, I've marked everything on the list. Only got to get dressed and take my meds." Brian said with the best happy smile he could muster up when inside he was slipping away. He could feel the frightened kid coming back. He hated that kid; he hadn't felt this way since his father beat him and he was not going to feel it now.

"Okay, well hurry; I'll go start breakfast." Then he exited the bathroom.

"So how are they, really?" Deb asked Jennifer, who had shown up on her doorstep that morning bright and early.

"It's heartbreaking really, Deb, but I think that something changed yesterday. I could hear them in the bathroom last night I think they forgot how thin there walls are."

"You mean they were having sex!" Debbie said making a face.

"Don't do that Deb, Brian maybe a little sweeter, and a littlecalmer; but he is not a child. Justin wasn't even touching him back when he tried to have sex with him. I know Brian, he's all about the touch; it must have been killing him to feel unwanted. Justin said he thought it was rape if he acted on his urges and you know it's not."

"Oh I know, I've been meaning to get over there but I've been trying to get Carl to take it easy since his heart attack last year, but he is very upset after finding out a street sweeper was used in Brian's accident. The driver was drunk, Brian could sue the state if he wanted to, but that's the furthest thing from his mind. How is he really though, Jennifer? JR can't stop talking about him but you can't trust her."

"He's Brian. I think it was taking Justin a long time to see, because he was used to having to tell people that they should see the Brian that he sees. But now here was that guy all out and unexposed for you to love him. He has nightmares though, I hear him at night screaming, and Justin holds him. The other morning he was convinced that he was ten and that he needed to go home or his dad would really be mad. He was scared of Jack and well I don't know the story of his father but I was scared as well. I can see that if it stays this way for much longer it might be hard for him to take. I could see wh Justin didn't want me to come here but I'm here now and I'm going to help out.

"That's right, because they need you; and on to happier things. Look at you; you have that pregnancy glow and everything. I can't wait to see it, and don't you worry Aunt Debbie and Uncle Carl are already for duty."

"Oh thanks Deb, I never thought this would be possible. I mean, Deb, I'm fifty. Women are having babies further and further into their lives nowadays but I never thought that I would be one of them. Tucker was already to adopt and here I come peeing on a stick and it turns pink. I thought I was about to start menopause, Deb. You should have seen my face when the doctor told me that I was going to have a baby. I couldn't believe it."

"Me either, because of you I don't let Carl near me without a rubber, can you imagine me with a baby." Then she bursts into laughter dragging Jennifer along for a bout of hysterics.

Christina couldn't get the smile off of her face all morning. She was thrilled about Gus finally talking to his father, finally realizing that this was going to be something hard for his father to overcome but as long as Gus had Brian then he knew that he could do it. Times like this she liked being the voice of reason in their relationship. She was supposed to meet him for lunch but now she sat in her Uncle's office because he wanted to talk to her about something important.

"Oh, I'm glad that you here. Have you been waiting long?" he asked as he entered his office.

"No I just got here, what is this about I have to meet Gus."

"Yes, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, how's Gus' father?" he asked casually.

"He's getting better; I think he'll get a lot better now that he knows that Gus is going to be there for him. Thanks for telling me that I should try and get Gus to go to him. It worked." She beamed.

"Yes, well you know that I love you right, and I'd do anything for you Christina. After your folks were killed, I took you in and I took care of you and it's been a rough two years but I think we're finding our own rhythm, don't you think."

"Well yea, I mean I sure as hell didn't want to go live with Grandma and Grandpa, I don't agree with their choices, and they sure as hell wouldn't want me to be with Gus."

"I know. I use to be that way Chris. I really did but then my eyes were opened and it led me to take a step back and think about the things that I've done in my life, and I've done some things that I'm not proud of."

"We've all done things that we're not proud of it's a part of growing up; that's what you've always told me. That the mistakes we make as teenagers mold us to be better adults." She answered not liking where this conversation was going. "Is everything alright?" she asked almost afraid of what he might say.

"When I realized that you and Gus were getting be a lot closer than just, you know, a fling, I did some digging."

"You what!" she shrieked outraged. "You have no right to do that; you just can't go digging into people's background. Gus is a great person and he loves me. I know you are not about to make something of how he was raised. I know you're not about to do that."

"No of course not, I have no problem with Gus. He's a fine gentleman, but sweetheart, when you said that you thought that we all should get together and meet, well, I decided I'd do my digging then so I would have something to talk about and well I should've told you this a long time ago, but I'm so afraid that when Gus finds out he might break up with you."

"Break up with me, why?" she asked, seriously confused this time.

"You know I told you that when I was younger I did horrible things to people. I mean that's part of the reason that I told you that the mistakes you make in high school or growing up in general mold you to become the kind of person you want to be. I was horrible in high school, and college, and well a long time; let's just leave at that. I had to get the truth scared into me by someone you know."

"You're talking in circles, why don't you just spit it out"

"I'm the one who did it, Chris." He whispered.

"Did what?" Chris asked.

"When I was in high school I picked up a baseball bat and smashed Justin Taylor's head in."

To say that Justin was moments away from physical murdering someone was an understatement. The supermarket idea was bad. He should have realized that before the accident taking both Brian and Izzy in the supermarket together was disastrous; and, now with the way things were with him now it was far worse. They bounced from aisle to aisle like children. He had sent them on the simple task of cereal and that had been about twenty minutes ago; he was going to have to find them.

"This one." Izzy asked as she held up a box of Cocoa Puffs.

"No, we have to get healthy, do you realize how much sugar are in those. I'll never get you to calm down." Brian stated firmly. He couldn't help but smile at his answer he was on the mark this morning.

"But I want it." Izzy shrieked.

"Oh no you don't, don't start that I'll tell your father."

"You're my father, my bestest father in the whole world, and if you let me get these, I'll forget that you didn't put your quarter in the swear jar, and I'll tell Justin I love you best." She batted her eyelashes and tried to give him her best "I'm the cute" look.

"Not this time kiddo," he stated, taking her hand walking back towards where Justin was. As he was walking he accidentally bumped into a fellow shopper.

"Watch it, asshole." He shrieked.

"Hey buddy, what's your problem?" the guy asked.

"I'm trying to walk here, and you're not watching where you're going and nearly run me and my kid over." Brian said all up in the guy's face.

"What's your problem, you freak?

Brian was so angry by the statement that the man made, that before he even could control his temper, he had punched him in the face right when Justin came around the corner.

"What the hell are you doing?" Justin snapped.

The man stood up to retaliate but Justin got in between them.

"Listen sir, can I talk to you for a moment." Justin asked and he pulled the man away from Brian's earshot.

"Oh you're going to get it now daddy, you hit that man. You are so gonna get it."

"Be quiet, Izzy." Brian shouted.

"Listen, sir, I know that you are right. I need to explain a few things. My friend right there he was in a horrible accident recently he was run over by a street sweeper." Justin stated hoping the man would understand.

"Dear God, that was him? We heard about that on the news; they said that his brains were all over the highway. I remember thinking God I want to see that. He doesn't look like he has a scratch on him."

"Yea, that part he was lucky with, but his mind, sir. His mind is so scrambled that some days he doesn't even know where he is. Could we just let this slide, please?" Justin even gave his best puppy dog look and for once he had actually seen it working.

"Yea man, I'll let it go. Sorry." He said as he went toward Brian who was standing there with Izzy.

Brian was upset. He knew that Justin probably told the guy something about his mental problems for him to let things go so easily. That made him angry, but he didn't say anything. He knew that it was because of the drugs. The side effects were coming out stronger because he couldn't find the right combination. If only he could get things straight so that he knew exactly what was going on; if he could just remember what he had changed about it before and everything would be okay.

"You're lying!" Christina gasped.

"I was a different guy back then. I know now what I did was wrong, but back then I just hated Justin. He was so proud of who he was. He was gay and he had no problem shoving it down your throat. He flaunted it, he came to school every day and there was no doubt in anyone's mind what he was and he didn't care. That was just wrong; well that's what I thought back then. Then the prom came, we were seniors and the prom is supposed to be enjoyable and then that guy comes in with him and they dance and kiss right there on the dance floor. No one even voted on the king and queen that night because all they did was talk about what he and his lover had done. I followed them down to the parking lot and I did it. I bashed him the head with a bat. I tried to run but the guy who was there with him; hit me on the knee with the bat."

"That guy…that guy, you do realize that was Gus' dad right. The same guy you hoped would be better after getting run over. Why? Forget the fact that Justin was gay; that's not really important. How could you willingly pick up a bat to hurt someone?"

"I told you I was a different person back then, but then you told me that they wanted me to come over for dinner. I just knew that I had to tell you, because it would not be appropriate for me to show up there."

"Oh so you're just going to hide away like some coward. You didn't even go to jail did you?"

"I was young Christina. My dad pulled some strings for me and I got community service at a Hospice for AIDS patients."

"Really, and I bet you were just nice as you could be there." She said sarcastically.

"Now see here, young lady. I didn't have to tell you a damn thing. I could've just backed out at the last minute and that would have been that but I did the right thing and I told you what happened."

"That's because you knew that it was going to come out in the open. I mean I wonder why Gus' never said anything to me. He had to have known; we have the same last name."

"There are tons of Hobbs here in this town, and maybe Justin doesn't want him to know about it, he had to be born then, and well I wouldn't go around telling young people that; I just thought you needed to know. Besides he knew if he told, then he would have to tell what he did to me after."

"What did he do?" she asked alarmed. She didn't like the way he seemed to not be able to look directly at her.

"It's not important what he did. You can find out if he knows and if he still wants me there, then I'll come. It might be better if I just call Justin and ask if he'd be comfortable with me there."

"I wouldn't. He's probably scared to death of you." She stated.

"He isn't afraid of me at all, he proved that already."

"What are you getting at?"

"I'm not going to tell you, they'll just make it seem that I told you this to turn you against them.

"What did Brian do to you?" she asked. Gus had told him what a temper his father could have when it came to his family.

"It wasn't Brian. I don't think he even knows about this."

"Know about what?"

"He came and held me at gunpoint."

"What?"

Gus heard the door slam and then he saw his sister and father run up the steps giggling about something. He saw Justin come in with an angry look on his face.

"What happened?" he asked.

"We had a little incident at the supermarket. I don't know what's going on but apparently your father's temper is back, and it's not cooperating well with the damage."

"Really, what happened?" Gus asked unable to suppress a laugh. He wondered what upset Justin so. He knew how his father could be at the supermarket when he was healthy; he could only imagine what he was like now.

"He hit a guy." Justin stated as he began putting the groceries away.

"Is this like when he hit Bradley when he told him that his brand of Guava Juice was discontinued?"

"Yea like that but all this guy did was bump him when was walking up the aisle. I'm not entirely sure; Brian might have hit him first. Isabella said that he had already gotten angry about the cereal but I can't go by anything that she's says when they are arguing and she wants to win. She'll just make something up, and make it seem like he was totally mean. I still haven't gotten it through her head about him still being the dad."

"So where are they off to now?" Gus asked as he looked up the stairs.

"Izzy said they had a big project to work on. She had to look for something and only he could help. I'll go up after I put up the groceries. So are they coming?" Justin asked referring to the dinner he had planned.

"Well she lives with her uncle and she was going to ask him."

"That's right; I forgot about that her parents died right?"

"Yea it was a horrible accident when she was five. She was living with her grandparents in the beginning but two years ago she permanently moved in with her uncle. She had pretty much lived with him but now she was there all the time. She didn't really like being around her grandparents much. Her uncle is like her dad, but Chris is an okay guy. I told him all about you. He couldn't believe I actually knew you; he went to St. James."

Justin knew that Gus was talking to him, but everything was a buzz once he said the name Chris. It was then that he remembered little Christina Hobbs who had been coming to his house almost every day since the accident. He remembered her jaw line and how it reminded him of someone, and her eyes. Only the eyes he remembered were identical to hers but angrier and then he made the connection.

"Has she called you back yet?" Justin asked.

"No, she hasn't called back yet." Gus replied.

"Listen, she can't bring him here Gus, I'm sorry; not with your father the way he is now. He can't be here."

"Why not?" Gus asked genuinely confused.

"He was the one who, he bashed me. If he comes here and your father is easily angry because of a push, he'll kill him if he sees him."

"Oh God, she never said. "She probably doesn't know. Someone's at the door Gus, could you get that I'm going to see what your sister is gotten into."

Justin really didn't know what to do. He really needed to tell Brian the truth about Christina but how was he going to take it. After what just happened at the supermarket, he knew that Brian was upset. He had been acting odd all day, and if he had to tell him this, he would overreact. He didn't need that right now. He needed to get someone's opinion but he really didn't have time for any of this. Everything was going to shit fast. All he needed was for things to calm down at least for a little while.

He walked into Isabella's room and he was confused at what he saw. Brian was leaning back against her head board with his eyes closed almost as if he was about to fall asleep. Izzy was on the back of the bed with her magnifying glass from her spy kit and she was combing through Brian's hair.

"What are you guys doing?" Justin asked.

"I'm trying to figure out what went wrong, daddy. Brian says that he's like this because of the bump he got on his head, but I can't find the bump anywhere. If I find it then when can take him to Aunt Daphne and she can fix him. We need him fixed and fast, because things are going to get bad." She said matter-of-factly.

"Who told you that?" Justin asked.

"Daddy did. He said that he had to get it right, and then I told him I wanted to see if I could find the problem. He got on the bed with me and I got out my spy kit but I can't find it. He took his medicine and then he said he was very sleepy."

"What?" Justin asked alarmed.

"Yea, he said I could see if could find it, but I can't and I don't want him to be mad at me when he wakes up."

"Oh he won't sweetheart; he'll understand that you can't find it. He'll be just fine.

Justin looked at Brian and he had fallen asleep. He still was so beautiful when he slept.

"Izzy, why don't you go downstairs and see who was at the door while I let daddy have a nap on your bed."

"Okay. Sleep tight daddy, I'm sorry I couldn't find it." She whispered in his ear and she jumped off the bed.

It broke Justin's heart to think that his little girl thought that should find the problem with Brian with her spy kit. It would be seriously cute if it wasn't sad. He also noticed how Brian just seemed to slump over when she left, he didn't even bother to put his legs up on the bed when she left.

"Hey sleepyhead, come with me and I'll help you to bed." He said as he grabbed Brian to help him to his feet. He immediately became alarmed when Brian's eyes rolled back in his head and he mumbled something that he couldn't understand.

"Brian, what's the matter? Tell me how do you feel." He asked alarmed.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't find the right combination." He stated and an empty pill bottle fell to the floor as Brian passed out on the bed.

Justin picked up the bottle and realized it was Brian's pills. He had taken them all. They were sixty pills in that bottle and he should have only taken twelve by now.

"Fuck! Brian, wake up." He shouted as he jumped on the bed. He put his head to Brian's chest and he was breathing but his heart was beating extremely fast.

"Gus, get up here now!" he screamed as he pulled out his phone to call 911.


	11. Chapter 11

**11. Three Strikes **

Justin sat in Dr. Hooks' office and tried to think back to what had happened two days ago. Apparently Brian was trying to find the right combination of meds to make him seem normal. He hadn't realized that the reason he seemed more like himself was because of the therapy. If he followed the steps of keeping calm, and sticking to his lists and just took things slowly that he would seem normal because he was normal. He knew Brian felt this way partly because of him. He had made Brian think he was worthless by not interacting with him, but he didn't touch him because well he thought folks would think it was wrong because of how he was now. How he was now? That was the biggest problem; he needed to realize there was absolutely nothing wrong with Brian. Well at least nothing that matter.

"So you realize how this happened?" Dr. Hooks asked breaking Justin from his thoughts.

"I shouldn't have trusted him with the pills. I gave him too much freedom. I should've realized that it was too soon."

"Well yes and no. No you shouldn't have trusted him with the pills, at least not the whole prescription. You giving him the bottle with his dosage of the day would have been fine. Then you could have told him that you had his pills for pain if he needed them. That way he wouldn't have access to them. He would have been able to give himself the dosage of the day but he wouldn't have enough to over dose on. Give him his freedom though Justin. That's why we offer the classes here at the clinic. So Brian can adapt to the way things are and become independent. I've asked before and I'll ask again, do you think you can handle this?

"Of course I can. I love him."

"I know you do, but maybe it will better if he came here to stay for a while."

"I'm not fucking committing him. You can scratch that from your thoughts, he's not crazy."

"Are you sure this was an accident, Justin. I've talked to more of the family and they've told me how Brian was before this accident. His friend Michael told me that Brian would never want a life like this."

"He didn't try to kill himself." Justin stated as he left Dr. Hooks' office.

"I'm sorry okay. I know that you are mad that I told Dad, but I had to and I really didn't I told the moms and they told dad." JR tried her best to explain to an unresponsive Brian.

"So you're just going to lie there all morning and ignore me after I come this long way? I skipped school to come and see you Uncle B. You know what shit I'm going to get from mom when she finds out? I did it for your own good. You were trying to jump from your room when I found you the first day. What you did now I have no idea, I didn't think dad was going to tell anyone. My god look at you." She said as she pushed his hair from his forehead.

It was killing her to see him like this. He was in a room with no one else and he was restrained to the bed. They said that when he came out of it he was violent and he tried to hurt himself. She didn't think telling her dad that she thought he tried to kill himself would do this to him. She was sorry for what she had done.

"So you're not going to talk to me at all? I can take the things off your wrists; the doctor said you don't need them anymore. Uncle B, I'm sorry!" she pleaded. "Fine, I'm walking out the door." She stated as she put her hand on the doorknob. "Once I'm gone I'm gone and I'm not coming back." She warned. "You have to stop me now." She pleaded to be stopped. "Fine." Then she left the room.

"Where are you going?" Justin asked when he saw JR outside of his room. "He thinks that I'm leaving, but I'm going downstairs to get him something to eat. He hates hospital food you know that." She said with her best smile.

"You're so good with him." Justin replied.

"I'm not good with him. I don't need to be good with him. He's Uncle B, the same as he always was, the guy who could make me smile no matter how I was feeling. He's just a little scared, and he thinks he's slipping away. I think it surprises him that I haven't changed the way I am towards him since the accident, but he's pissed because I told Dad about before when he tried to jump to his death."

"He what?" Justin asked alarmed.

"Of course he'd tell the moms but not you, God, my dad and his priorities. When I came up and he hadn't been discharged the first time. He was outside of his room on the balcony; I think he was trying to get himself to jump off. I got him to come in, and I told the moms that he was eyeing the doors. I told dad, what he really tried to do. Lindsay closed the doors when she got here, but I guess dad must have told that Hooks guy and now they have him tied to the bed. You can take him off though. I'll be back. I need to track down a dry turkey sandwich. Don't tell him we talked, I want it to be a surprise when I return. It's going to be okay Uncle J. You two belong together. Later." She walked away on the search for a turkey sandwich.

"We have to go in." Chris stated as they sat outside the hospital.

"I know. I just … do you think that he tried to kill himself?" Gus asked as if she held the answers he sought.

"Gus, I don't know. I mean, I don't know what kind of person he was before this, and I don't know what kind of person he is now. Every time I've talked to him he has seemed to have a good head on his shoulders. I think he just wanted to be Brian for you. You told me that after I told you to talk to him and you came back, he was more like himself. You said yourself that made you feel good; I guess he thought if he slipped away you wouldn't love him anymore.

"That's not true!"

"How is he to know that it's not true? You go on and on about how he was before this, and that you can't take if he changes. The man is alive, god dammit. Why can't you just fucking be happy?" she screamed. She was tired of all of this. This relationship was getting to be too much.

"Gus, I love you. I love you so much but I don't know if I can do this anymore."

"Really, is that you talking or Chris Hobbs?" he spat in her face.

"We are not discussing that, because that doesn't matter. I didn't know what he did to your dad before I started going out with you. They are the ones that want to make something like that matter, but it doesn't. I could care less about what he did to Justin or what Justin did to him."

"Really?" he asked.

"You know that I didn't mean it like that. I know that what he did was wrong; he should have never done that to Justin no matter what. Just like Justin shouldn't have gone there with that gun and threatened him."

"He had his reasons. It was his payback."

"Payback, it was years later. Don't you see what it's doing, Gus; it's already pulling us apart and they don't even know that we know, well your dad doesn't know."

"He never will. Come on let's go. It's time I show my dad that it doesn't matter." They entered the hospital.

"Too many people." Brian thought as he lay in his hospital bed. He was so fucking sick of hospital rooms. He was enjoying the fact that the conversations were going on without him. It was as if he wasn't even there or he didn't matter. Which he wasn't sure of and at the moment he really didn't care. She was there though; she was sitting on the bed beside him. He wanted to ask her to move but then they would want to know why. Everyone was so happy that she was back. Izzy had a mother, and Melanie was happy that her spouse was back. She wasn't though; he knew when Lindsay left she was a bit off but the person before him was someone he really couldn't stand. It had all started a few weeks back, when he was still getting used to being the nutcase that he was now.

_**Flashback**_

"_Are you sure you don't mind?" Justin asked Lindsay again as she sat on the corner of his bed._

"_Of course not, I understand that you have to go this meeting. I've talked to Sydney since I was back; he's been thinking about letting me come back." She stated happily._

"_That's great. Well I shouldn't be gone very long, and you guys seemed to be getting along a lot better. He had his medicine a few hours ago. He was in a lot of pain this morning; I'm going to have to talk to his doctor the pain meds make him to groggy." He stated trying to explain why Brian was just lying there in bed staring at nothing at all._

"_It's cool. I'll stay with him until he's up to getting up and then we'll find something to do. Where's Izzy?"_

"_Isabella had a playdate; she won't be back until about 2. I didn't know you would be coming or I would've kept her around."_

"_It's fine, Justin. She's just getting used to me but we're getting there."_

"_Yea you are. Okay well I better go. I love you." Justin stated and he leaned down and kissed Brian on the lips. He was happy that he kissed him back. "I'll see you later, okay." Justin reassured Brian. _

"_Later." He replied back._

_Lindsay watched Justin leave and turned back to Brian who had gone back to looking at nothing in particular on the wall._

"_So how have you been Brian?" she asked._

"_Fine, sorry about the whole fire thing." He apologized._

"_Oh no biggie, you and I have been through far more than that, it's not like it will end our friendship, Peter." She stated falling back into calling him Peter as she often did._

"_I'm glad to hear that Wendy." He replied giving her his best smile._

"_So how are things between you two since you been back here." She asked as she climbed on the bed next to him._

"_Fine, we haven't done anything yet." He replied sadly._

"_Oh Brian I'm so sorry." She stated laying her head on his chest and her arm around his waist hugging him. She loved listening to his heartbeat, she didn't know what she would have done if he died._

"_I don't know what I would have done if you died." She sobbed into his chest. She wasn't surprised when he hugged her back._

"_Don't cry Wendy. I'm always here for you, always have been and always will be." He smiled when she looked up at him._

_She didn't know what came over her when she saw him looking at her like that. So real and raw full of emotion; he needed someone to show him they cared. She would show him, she kissed him right on the lips._

_Brian didn't know what to think at first. He and Lindsay kissed on the lips all the time, some would say that they kissed a lot and with a lot of emotion but that was just the way they were. He had dated her for two years before he told her she was a lesbian. After all, she was the mother of his children. There was something different about her though, and he really knew that she was doing something wrong when she felt her hand slid in his sweats and caress his cock._

"_What are you doing?" he asked alarmed._

"_I'm so sorry about everything, Brian. I'm sorry about Britin and most of all I'm sorry about Susan. Let me do this for you." She whispered as she began to pump his member slowly, but sensually, with her hand._

_Brian knew that he was gay, but Lindsay had always been one of the women who could do this for him. They were only a few women that were able to get him aroused. She was one of them. It had been so long since he felt the touch of someone else, and he was tired of touching himself._

"_I'm not going to fuck you." He stated._

"_I know; just enjoy this," she whispered. She pulled his cock out and it twitched as the air hit it. He didn't want to do it. _

"_No." he stated and he tried to push her away._

"_Just go with it." She squeezed his cock once more a bit roughly causing him to gasp. She quickly fell into a rhythm and as much as he wanted her to stop, the feeling of cuming was making his sexual need take over the fact that it was wrong. He felt his hips rising involuntarily as he was close to release. His legs spread as she began to massage his balls with her other hand. He couldn't think; he had no control over anything now. The pain medicine was still making things foggy and what she was doing was exciting him. He closed his eyes and it was like Justin was touching him. He came screaming Justin's name, all over her hand. Before he could even think straight, he was brought from his feeling of pleasure by the slap to his face._

"_Don't you ever say his name after we're together!" she screamed._

_He didn't know what to think. Lindsay was crazy, was she still crazy._

"_I'm sorry Brian," she said as she wiped her hand on his pants leg and hugged him. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean to hit you. I'm sorry." She stated as she hugged him. He could feel himself relax and he started to drift off to sleep again but she leaned in close as if to whisper in his ear. "Don't tell anyone about this okay. It can be our little secret. Besides, who would believe you anyway." Then she closed her eyes to sleep awhile._

_**End of flashback**_

"Brian!" Melanie shouted. She was beginning to be alarmed that he wasn't responding. He looked at her after she shouted. "Are you okay, do I need to call someone?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine. Where did everyone go?" he asked noticing that now the only persons to remain in the room with him were Melanie and Lindsay.

"Michael and Brendon went off to have some lunch; I guess that's what they're calling it these days." Melanie couldn't help but smirk. "Listen I'm going to grab something from the café. Babe, you stay here; I'll be right back." She rubbed Lindsay on the shoulder and left the room.

They were once again alone and Brian didn't know what was about to happen.

"Melanie and I are doing good now, Brian. I guess I have you to thank." She stated from the side of his bed.

"How so?" he asked confused.

"Well she told me what a good friend you were to her while I was gone. She also told me that you told her that I am better, and I am better Brian. I'm here for you for however long you may need me." she stated as she approached his bed.

"Thanks. You've always been a good friend, he stated nervously."

"I'm glad you've been keeping our secret." She purred as she leant further whispering in his ear and giving his penis a little squeeze which caused him to squirm uncomfortably.

"Mom, dad, what are you doing?" Gus asked as he entered the room unable to tell exactly what was going on.

"Nothing Sonnyboy; why don't you come and sit awhile." Brian managed to croak out once he saw that his son was there and he didn't have to worry about being alone with her any longer.

"What?" Michael asked as he looked at his partner across the table.

"You shouldn't have told Hooks about Brian and the suicide attempt." He stated.

"I can't believe you, a doctor, are saying that?" Michael stated in disbelief.

"He had the poor guy tied to a bed when he woke up after almost killing himself.

"Now I want you to rewind that sentence in your brain and realize what you said.

"He didn't try to kill himself, Michael. He was just confused about the medicine. I talked to him; to him it was all about getting the right combination to be normal. When it comes to brain injuries like his, a person is bound to get confused. You and the others are making it very difficult for him to recover. You have to help him with the therapy. Let him see the good it is doing, and also Lindsay should stay far away from him."

"Lindsay? Why?" Michael asked confused.

"The woman is just off a break herself. She might play on that; I'm sure she's making him uneasy. Before the accident, he was upset with her; she burned down his house, killed a good friend. If I were in Brian's shoes, I wouldn't want her anywhere around me."

"You don't know them. They're Peter Pan and Wendy, Beevus and Butthead, Bert and Ernie, two peas in a fucked up pod is what Brian use to say. I don't think he make it without her."

"I'm not too sure of that." Brendon stated as he sipped his latte. "He and Justin have decided to go on the three strikes format.

"Three strikes?" Michael asked confused.

"Brian wants to be put away and Justin thinks he doesn't need it. I for one don't either; he just has to get to the point where he realizes that it will take a while for him to get back to being the asshole we all know and love. If he realizes that, then things will get better; but he's stubborn, we all know that. So he says he's giving himself three strikes to get it wrong. It has to be big mistakes. Then when they are done he goes away."

"Justin is going with this?" Michael asked disgusted.

"They both are quite insane if you ask me. Justin is just trying to prove to Brian that he loves him and Brian is having trouble believing in himself. I just want you to be ready, because I am."

"Ready for what?" Michael asked.

"The breakdown, because when it happens, this little accident that just occurred well it will be a walk in the park compared to that. Aren't you happy we didn't move?" Brendon whispered as he got up to head back to work.


	12. Chapter 12

**12. Family Reunions **

"Home sweet home." Justin stated as he let Brian into their home once he was discharged from the hospital. He hoped that this really was the last time. He knew that Brian was going to have to go in everyday for the therapy but he didn't want him to have to go back for overdoses or anything as scary as that.

"Yea." Was only he said as he walked upstairs with Isabella walking behind him chatting about something; he didn't know what or care? He was happy for the noise though.

Gus couldn't get it out of his mind. Something was not right about what he had seen at the hospital. His mom was leaning over his father in bed but her hand, he couldn't see her hand. Scratch that, he could see her hand but if it was where he thought it was, it was bad it was really bad. He needed to someone to bounce ideas off of. He called Chris; he knew that she would come.

"Hey." She said as she sat across from him in the park on their favorite bench.

"Hey. Thanks for coming, I wasn't sure you would you know after all that."

"I love you Gus. I'm tired of being your grief counselor, and I don't care about the past of your dad and my uncle. We are never to let that matter to us again. I'm here for you, I really am. We just have to remember that we're kids and stop with all the glum. Have you and your dads picked out your suits yet for the banquet." She asked trying to brighten the mood.

"Not yet, Justin said that we'll do it by the end of the week. We've just gotta get into some kind of routine when it comes to dad. I have to help him with his therapy, I have to remind him of things he needs to do if he forgets, but subtly. Katie, that's one of the nurses at the hospital, said that I was degrading him. I never thought of what it might be doing to his psyche. All I kept thinking about was how it was affecting me. Stupid, no wonder he can't trust anyone."

"What's going on?" Chris asked knowing that she was missing something.

"I'm not sure, I'm trying to figure it out but I think I think someone's hurting my dad."

"What? Who?" she asked rising from her seat.

"I'm not sure yet, it could be nothing. I have to ask a couple of more people and do some investigating of my own and then I'll let you know if I need you to swoop in a save the day."

'Okay. You just let me know though and I'm ready to swoop. They can't hurt him, he's so, he's you. You know what I mean? I want to protect him just like I'd protect you." She said laying her head on his shoulder.

"Yea I get what you mean. Come on let's go and have some real fun, and I don't know shake all the sadness away."

"Lead the way good sir." She stated getting off the bench and taking his hand.

JR looked at herself in the mirror finally happy with the outfit that she had picked. They had a whole week off of school finally, and she got out of that damn uniform and into normal clothes. She had checked the air in her tires and she was on her way to Britin. She knew that Brian was getting home and she wanted to see him, and apologize for everything again. She hated when he was mad at her, and he was mad, well he what passed for his mad nowadays which was sort of more of a sad. She hated what was happening to him. Grown-ups could be really stupid sometime.

"Heading out?" Lindsay asked when she noticed her daughter primping in front of the mirror.

"Just thought I would go and see the munchkin for a bit and of course Uncle B." she stated nonchalantly.

"The two of you got a lot closer while I was away. You know if I didn't know any better I would say that you had a little crush on him. I talked to your mother, and she agrees." Lindsay stated with a smile.

"Ewwww. I mean its Uncle B., besides his brains are scrambled eggs now." She joked unable to stop from laughing.

"Don't you ever say that!" Lindsay shouted getting in her face.

"Chill mom, it's a joke. You know that's what he says all the time. That no one makes a joke about it. He said when he hit the ground he thinks he bounced. No one jokes about it and he can't stand it. He tells me lots of things you know." She stated eyeing her mother.

"Like what?" she asked trying her best to keep the tremble from her voice.

"I'm not telling. That's what he and I have, you know trust. He likes the fact that I go over there every other day and give him shit. I'm the only one who treats him the same as before the accident. You know he told me that Justin hasn't even mentioned their anniversary since this happened. He had forgotten it was so close. I had to remind him of all the plans he had been making. Justin hasn't even let him see his PDA. He was shocked about all the effort he was really putting into this, I think he was going to take the plunge. I didn't share that, of course. It hurt him when it dawned on him that Justin was just letting all go to shit now that he's Swiss cheese. Well I gotta go mom." She kissed her and skipped right out of the house.

Lindsay went to the window and watched her daughter ride away. She would be to Brian's in about twenty minutes. Did she have anything to worry about? Would Brian tell JR what she had done? She knew it was wrong, God it was so wrong. She knew she would never do it again. She just wanted him to be close to her again, for him to look at her after everything with Susan like he used too. He had even gone back to calling her Wendy; it was all built on lies, lies that she would no longer be able to hold on too. She would tell what she'd done. She only hoped they'd forgive her, especially Brian.

Justin walked into the bedroom, and Brian was changing his clothes. He couldn't help it, Brian was a beautiful man. He aged well, he was in his mid-40s and he didn't look at day older than the day he met him. He just had to stop and look at him. He didn't have a scratch on him; you wouldn't know that he could have nearly died. Whenever he stopped to think about that he just couldn't help but shiver.

"What are you staring at?" Brian asked uneasily.

"You, I want you to know that I'm sorry. You mean so much to me." He stated putting his arms around his neck and kissing him gently.

"You too", he stated as he fumbled to button the fly of his pants.

"You know I checked, Izzy is sleeping, you must've worn her out with all that playing and Gus is off with Chris doing what kids do. Maybe you and I can take a little time and do what married couples do." He practically purred and forced Brian up against the wall and kissed him deeply.

Brian loved this. It was Justin, and he was kissing him like he mattered. He didn't have to initiate contact. Lindsay was wrong, he did love him and he was about to prove it right now. He gasped when Justin took his cock out of the pants that he was just trying to button.

"You're so beautiful." Justin whispered as he took all of Brian in. It had been so long, he loved his taste. He loved everything about him. He knew that Brian wanted this just as much as he did. He reached inside to grab Brian, and he tensed.

"What's the matter?" Justin asked confused.

"Just don't, okay." He practically ran from their bedroom.

"What the fuck?" Justin said out loud and heading downstairs to find out what was the matter.

Brian knew that he was being a coward. He knew that he should tell Justin what Lindsay had done. He couldn't though, people were still trying to figure him out, wonder if he was right in the head, and no one was concerned about her. She had been uplifted from an asylum to be there for their daughter in her time of need. He knew that she was confused. He could forgive her for what she'd done. He had too, but she had to realize that no meant no. He was cut from his thoughts by the front door opening. It was JR, and she wasn't alone.

"Who called you?" Brian said angrily as he stared his visitor in the face.

"Who do you think? I just can't believe that you wouldn't call me, we're family." He shouted.

"You were studying, this was not important. I'm fine. I know my name, I know everything so you can just skedaddle I don't need you here."

"Justin." He spoke to Justin over Brian's shoulder.

"It's good that you're here John, I think your uncle needs you right now."

"Good to know, thanks for the call, JR."

"Get your coat." John demanded.

"Where are we going? I'm not allowed out after dark." Brian stated sarcastically.

"That's not true, John; the two of you go on and catch up. I have to talk to the little one." Justin stated eyeing JR who couldn't keep the smirk from her face.

"Feel better now." Chris asked.

"I actually do, I mean we can get through this right, all of us together."

"Yes we just have to be there for your dad, but not enough so that it gets to be too much. We are letting the adults figure things out for once. So, do you want to come in? My uncle is still at work?" she leaned in closer to capture her guy in a kiss.

"I better not. Your uncle still likes me considering and don't want him to catch me here, in a compromising position." He stated tongue in cheek.

"What makes you think that would happen?" she asked.

"Well I'm all hormonal, and you can admit that we have been on an emotional rollercoaster when it comes to well emotions. I won't be able to control myself if I give in to lust."

"Right, so when do you think you and I could…." She stopped speaking but gave a gesture with her hands.

"Let me just get my dad home, and at least a week without killing himself, and get through this banquet and then you and I will have our time. You know what they say about those who wait?"

"They end up alone and virginal forever." She laughed.

"Good things happen, my dear, and I'm a Kinney so you know I'm the best."

"Cocky, are we?"

"Just confident. I better go."

John sat there taking in his uncle. They had been through a lot after he had falsely accused him of molestation when he was younger. He found out that as he got older he could count on his uncle for a lot more things. He realized that his mother was just a liar and she had often came to Brian for money. He had given it to her without a second word and in the end all she had done was have him to believe that he was just a worthless fag. Oddly, as the years went by, he had more in common with his uncle then he had ever dared to think. They sat in the back of Babylon's VIP room and he watched his uncle down shot after shot.

"Is that really helping you feel better? I mean really, I brought you here to talk, not so you could go back to Justin drunk."

"Don't think because I'm brain damaged you can tell me what to do!" Brian shouted as he gestured for Thomas to give him another.

"Fine, so you were saying." He leaned back in the comfortable seat and let Brian get what he needed off his chest.

"She did it. She did it three times, I think she thought that I was so far gone that I would just stand for it."

"You did stand for it." John stated, but when he noticed the look his uncle gave him he knew to be quiet once more. "I'm sorry, please continue your story.

"Just another person that thinks that they can get one over on me cause I'm a little slow."

"You don't seem slow to me." John stated as he looked at where they were at that Brian seemed to be as normal as ever getting drunk in the back of Babylon.

"It's the booze. I'm always myself on the booze, and these babies." Brian slurred shaking a bottle of pills in John's face.

"Give me those. They still trust you with these things, after what happened." John said as he snatched the pills from Brian.

"Well not Michael. Of course not Dr. Brendon, I've decided that I don't like him. What kind of name is Brendon in the first place? It's like Brandon but not, I wanted to name Gus Brendan but of course I couldn't because I'm not his real father because I'm a whore and whore's can't…..

"Brian!" John shouted breaking Brian from his ramble. "You really have to work on that, how's therapy?" he asked sipping on his water.

"Oh you know. They take me in a room and make go through the steps of bathing myself, and if I get them correct I get a nice pat on the head and maybe a cookie if smile. Then if I forget my shampoo I have myself a good cry, and then I come home and finger paint with my new best friend, Izzy. She just loves me to pieces now that somehow she's gotten smarter than me." He stated sarcastically.

"What the hell is even going on here?" John asked.

"What?" Brian asked trying to figure out what his nephew could be talking about. Everything seemed to be in order.

"This. I got a call from JR and she was talking as if you were drooling from the side of your mouth. I get here and you're letting Lindsay feel you up, and got poor Justin going nuts, but then when we are alone together I can barely tell anything is wrong with you. I mean there's the babbling and how your hand keeps twitching but you seem okay. I've read your file."

"What for?" Brian asked alarmed.

"Why the hell do you think? You have some nerve not calling me Uncle B. I mean what happened to you is amazing. You were run over by a street sweeper and when you were brought in the ER, there's wasn't any sign of brain trauma. It was internal, INTERNAL!" he shouted excitedly. "It's like a field day for a young man in medicine like me. I've transferred, I'm now part of your team.

"See that's what I'm talking about, I didn't want JR calling you because I knew you'd come. I'm not your science project."

"Did you try to kill yourself?" John asked gently changing the subject.

"No, of course not, not now that everything is good. I was trying to find the right combination. It's good like this when I have the right combination, or so I thought. I never thought that those dumb exercises and what they call therapy was actually making me better."

"Well, it is. Now I'm here and things shall change."

"Change how?"

"I'm not stupid. Justin probably is walking around that house on pins and needles just trying not to set you off. He's probably babying you so much that you want to explode. I know Gus; I was Gus for the longest time. He's angry. You left him; he's not even looking at you like you yourself anymore, you're some pod daddy. I swear the kid has gone through enough. He really doesn't need his mother and father with matching strait jackets. I'm here to help out with your therapy but I'm not going to baby you. I don't coddle, coddling is for babies and the only baby is Isabella and I get the feeling that she's not much of a baby anymore. So the question is, are you ready to get back what's yours?

"You know what I just realized?" Brian asked him with a serious look.

"What?" John asked concerned.

"I just remembered why I hate fucking family reunions."


	13. Chapter 13

**13. What's to Come **

Justin hated when John was in town. It always ended up with Brian coming home hung over. It was really amazing how John and Brian were so much alike. They constantly said that they weren't and when they hated each other, John probably would have rather been mauled by wild dogs than to admit that he was like Brian. He was though, well minus the whole gay thing. John was not gay; he was a happy bisexual male. He decided why just be gay or hetero when he could do both. The world was a happy world as long as they had a Kinney inside of them. Those were his words. Now Justin was making breakfast and a hung over Brian was walking into their kitchen.

"Good morning, and what time did we get in last night?" Justin asked as he fried bacon loudly on the stove.

"Oh you know, a little after 4, I can barely see and John was up this morning by seven to go on a run." Brian stated unbelieving.

"He has youth, you are an old man."

"Old." Brian pouted.

"Yes, but I love you anyway." Justin stated as he kissed Brian on the lips. He was happy that his partner didn't shy away. He was glad; he never did get a chance to talk to him about what had happened before their guest arrived. "So how long is he here?" Justin casually asked.

"Until I'm better, so I guess forever." Brian stated miserably.

"Oh I'm sure he won't take that long.

John sat in the café waiting for his breakfast date. He knew what was going on and he was not happy, he wasn't happy one bit. He had done his psych rotation so he knew the score. He knew why she felt this way. It had to stop. Today either one of two things happened. Either Lindsay took his advice and got herself some help, or they stop by Deb's and get Carl and she go away permanently.

"John, I couldn't believe it when JR told me you were in town." Lindsay stated when she joined John.

"Yea, I got in last night; we arrived at the mansion at the same time. She told me what happened and of course I hopped the first plane. I can't believe my mother nor did grandmother think that it was right to tell me."

"Oh well, I guess they didn't want you to drop everything and come here. Brian will be fine." She said with her best smile.

"I didn't drop everything, I'm becoming a doctor. A neurologist to be exact, this is where I need to be. He's taking care of my education, and I'm going to take care of him."

"He has a family here John. I can't believe you just dropped everything and came." She said in awe.

"Well that's what you did; I mean you were in Sunny Springs was it, how are you really Lindsay?"

Lindsay didn't like his tone. She didn't like how he went from loveable John, to Dr. John. Surely he didn't know did he?

"Oh yes, he told me. I took him out last night and we got plastered and he told me about every time you touched him. The only reason that you are not behind bars right now, is that you didn't go all the way. Because I swear to God, Lindsay, if you had gone all the way and violated him, God help me I would have…" he stopped he couldn't bring himself to think what he would have done if Lindsay had raped Brian.

"I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me?" she said before breaking into sobs.

"Don't cry, calm yourself!" he said angrily. "I didn't call you here so you could start crying and people could stare at me thinking I've done something to you. I brought you here to give you this." He stated handing her a card.

"What's this?" she asked.

"This is the name of a good shrink. He was one of my professors. I want you to go and see him and tell him everything. I get it; you need to be in control. Since everything that has happened and you came back, you're not in control of anything. Melanie is the parent to Gus and JR. She holds the key to your relationship and she decides if you two stay together or not. Brian and Justin are the parents of Izzy; all she knows is that you are her mother. She had only seen you what five times since you gave birth to her. She doesn't respect you, well not like a mother. You needed to be in charge of something and you found the perfect person in Brian.

"I have no idea what you're talking about?" she stated nervously.

"Are you going to sit there and lie?"

"I know what I did, I'm not lying about that. And I'm sorry, but about being in control."

"I really don't get what's going on around here. Brian will never recover if this continues. He goes every day and has his therapy but when he goes home Justin just does everything for him like he's a kid. He's not a kid. Then there's you, you want him to treat like he used to. I talked to him after you burned down his place and killed his accountant; he hates you."

"I didn't kill anybody!" she stated angrily.

"Right. I'm sorry you were trying to get some afternoon delight in a house with a faulty fireplace. I think that you had been told that what six, seven times before it happened. And then you tried to say that you hadn't been told in the beginning and the authorities thought Brian was trying to burn down the place for insurance purposes. Do you not understand what that did to him? Same old same old. They had already thought when Babylon burned down that he had something to do with that? He didn't need your shit, and here you were adding to his problems. I swear, are you people brain dead. Take the number and make an appointment. If you don't make one by the end of the week, I'll come with the cops and the people in the white coats!" he shouted. He threw some bills on the table and left before she had a chance to reply to anything that he had said.

Sleep is good. He wanted to sleep. Those were the thoughts that went through Brian's head as he sat in this class thinking learning to be human. He never thought about Justin having to go through something like this, He had tried to tell Justin about these classes recently and he told him that he couldn't talk about it. He understood he didn't want to talk about it either. He looked to his left to where one Edward Sawyer sat. He was about 24 and he took some bad shit and hopped on his bike and went for a wild ride he would never forget. He heard they were still scraping pieces of him off the asphalt and it had been three years ago. He was in bad shape. He didn't have much control. He would lose his trail of thought all the time, he would laugh at all the wrong times, he was jittery and quite stupid. Sadly, he thought those were all traits that he had before he became like him. Was he like him? Brian knew he was different. He slowly could see Eddie becoming his new best friend, and that alone made him sick to his stomach.

"So what do you think?" Eddie asked as he sat next to Brian when the class ended.

"Think about what?" Brian asked sleepily.

"About what I asked you last week, you know when you got angry after you were balancing your check book and you thought that the six was the nine and I told you I use to be an accountant. Then I asked could I come work for you because I need a job, I'm going to be getting out soon, and you need to a job to buy stuff and like survive." He said all in one breath like a puppy waiting to be praised or slapped Brian wasn't really sure.

"Where exactly do you want to work?" Brian asked.

"I asked around and they told me you were Brian Kinney, that you had a building with your name on it and everything. That you were a millionaire and some shit. I told that they had to be mistaken because you can't be a millionaire and be here with us."

"Why not?" Brian asked.

"Why not what?" Eddie asked.

"I could be a millionaire."

"A millionaire taking classes here; if I were you I'd pay somebody to think for me." Eddie stated with a shrug.

"If I were you, I'd blow my brains out." Brian stated with his signature smirk.

Eddie didn't really know what to think about that. "So what about the job, Brian?" Eddie eagerly asked.

"I don't have a company anymore." Then he walked out of the class to sneak a smoke before Justin came to pick him up.

"So when do you want have this party?" Emmett asked Michael as they sat in the back booth of the diner.

"I don't know for sure, but I'm shooting for the week after Valentine's Day. It'll totally be a surprise because no one looks for a birthday party after their birthday. I've been busy since Brendon and I have decided not to move. I want him to know that I haven't forgotten the sacrifice that he made for me. Then it's about his birthday time as well."

"I don't know, Michael. That's the week of Brian and Justin's anniversary and Brian had this huge party planned."

"Em, it's four months away. Do you really think that they will want to celebrate then with everything going on?"

"Everything like what?" Em asked confused.

"The guy is just getting back on his feet. My mom said that she was over there a couple of days ago and Brian freaked when a car backfired. He's a mess, I'm sure that Justin doesn't want anyone to be a witness to that. Brendon says that right now is going to be very hard for Brian." Michael said sadly.

"I could imagine. I've had so many parties that I haven't had a chance to get back over there since the welcome home party. If you ask me, that wasn't much of a welcome. I think I'm going to get over there tomorrow. I hear John's in town."

"John, I haven't seen him in ages; we had a blast the last time he was here." Emmett couldn't wipe the smile off of his face as he thought of the night that they had together.

"You can wipe that smirk off your face; he's not here to play. He's here to help Brian. You should have heard Brendon when he came home last night. He said the kid came in like he owned the place. Talking to Brian's therapists and telling them what they were doing wrong. He even told them that they had given Justin the wrong advice. Told them they never should have tried to point him to institutions, and that he needs to stop assisting Brian in everything. It's only been a month."

"I think that John knows what he's talking about. I was appalled when I heard that they had pointed Justin in the direction of sanitariums. Brian is not crazy, he's just lost and it's up to us to help him. I haven't seen him dressed in his designer best since he's been out of the hospital. Does he leave the house? Teddy has been working his ass off and he even said that he's going to try and get over to see Brian because he's been neglecting him. I bet his only company has been Izzy. Can you imagine, Brian and Izzy all day long? I'm surprised he hasn't shot himself.

"Don't joke like that! You know what happened recently?" Michael said referring to Brian's suicide attempt.

"I don't think that's what happened and you of all people shouldn't have gone off running to whom ever was listening to tell that. You are supposed to be his best friend."

"Brian told me a long time ago that Justin is his best friend. Besides, he wasn't going to tell anyone. That was something that had to be told; what if he tried again. Lindsay understood why I did it.

"I bet she did."

"What do you mean by that?" Michael asked confused.

"Have you seen the two of them together since she got back? Brian could barely stand her for putting the life of Izzy in danger when she went cheating on Melanie and let's not forget about poor Susan. She lost her life in that fire. She was one of Brian's oldest friends. Now she acts as if they are best friends again. She talks about him constantly. I went to the gallery the other day and she was there trying to get her job back. I was there twenty minutes and the whole time she talked about Brian."

"She's just worried about her friend. Isn't that what you just said he needed?" Michael asked confused.

"I don't think he needs friends like her."

"Can we please get back to the story, Michael asked again?"

"Yea, week after Valentine's you say? Well I'm not going to do that until Brian tells me that his party is cancelled, but we can start working on yours as well."

"Okay."

John sat at the tabletop in the kitchen with a stack of index cards writing out tasks. Simple tasks, really; like, making coffee, or writing a letter. He had observed Justin and Brian a little the night before. Justin wasn't letting Brian do any of his exercises and it was hard to determine what he knew and what he didn't. If Justin sensed that Brian didn't understand something instead of letting him figure it out, he would just do it. He knew that Justin probably didn't realize he was doing it, but it had to stop and fast.

Izzy walked into the kitchen and picked up a card.

"I know how to tie my shoes?" she stated noticing the words tie and shoe from the card.

"You do? Who taught you that?" John asked.

"My daddies. Daddy lets me practice in the mornings; when he doesn't put on a suit he never remembers how to tie his." She laughed.

"Was this before or after he got hurt?" John asked trying to see if it was something that he really didn't know how to do, or would he pretend not to know to help Isabella out. That was something about kids, they would answer anything you asked and never give it a second thought.

"Well before it happened, he would ask me every Saturday when he was going out to run, but now he even asks what foot is which." She giggled.

"What?" he asked confused.

"He was putting on the same shoe. All of daddy's running shoes are the same. Three boxes of the same shoe, this morning he had on two lefts. He didn't even know. He got mad and threw the shoe, and he said a bad word. I showed him what he'd done. I thought he was going to be mad, but he told me that I was a clever peanut and then we went running on the tree…tra….the treadmill?"

"Yea treadmill, does your daddy get mad a lot since he fell down?

"Yes! Sometimes I scared to even talk to him because he gets mad, and he never wants to put his money in the swear jar and there should be like a million dollars in there by now cause it's fuck this and shit that and I tell him and he gets mad and tell me that he's the daddy but he isn't the daddy now and that makes him even madder."

"He's not?" John asked confused.

"No, Justin told me that now he was the daddy. If I wanted something to eat or wanted to go for a walk to ask him, because for a while daddy couldn't be the daddy anymore. I told him what Justin said and he cried. I didn't want to make daddy cry, and he does that a lot too.

"Cry?" John asked totally getting wrapped up in the conversation with the kid. She was like a sponge; she soaked up everything and no one even had a clue. Oh, he had to correct a lot of wrongs going on. He needed to get everyone back in their own place. It would be a hard job but he could do it.

Brian had just put out his cigarette when he saw the SUV pull up. He was a little confused by who was driving but he got in anyway.

"What are you doing behind the wheel?" he asked Gus, who was now behind the wheel of their SUV.

"I'm practicing for the test. I have my permit but I need the extra practice." He said with a smile as he pulled out.

"Relax, he's a good driver." Justin said from the back. "So, how was therapy?" he asked

"How the fuck do you think? We talked about the months, could I name them, did I know how many days they had, when the last fucking leap year was? Do you even know when the last leap year was?" Brian asked.

"Last year?" replied Justin.

"It's this year. Gus said as they continued down the road.

"See Sunshine, even you didn't know, oh but that's right you're in the same club as me."

"What club?" Gus asked not noticing Justin shaking his head in the mirror.

"We've both had our brains scrambled." He joked taking out another cigarette.

"What the hell are you doing?" Justin asked upset.

"It's called smoking a cigarette. It's not going to kill any brain cells, they are already shot, and it sure as hell won't give me cancer. I don't even think God's that cruel." Brian stated as he lit up and let the smoke fill his lungs.

"What's the matter with you?" Justin asked.

"Fucking Eddie, he asked me for a job again today. Everyday he's asking me for a fucking job. Then he asked why I was there, if I'm a millionaire, and now he's an accountant. Yesterday he was a graphic designer and today he was an accountant. He wants a job; I told him I already have an accountant. I do, Susan and Theodore are my accountants. I don't fucking need another one." He shouted. He then leaned back in the chair and pressed the bridge of his nose.

Justin could tell that he was getting upset. He said Susan was his accountant, and she was before she died. Did he realize his mistake? Did he realize it as a mistake? Could he ask him? Justin had so many questions but he didn't know how to ask it because Brian was upset. He knew he was, because he was saying odd things, because he knew for a fact that Eddie had told him that he was an accountant and never a graphic designer.

"Dad, are you okay?" Gus asked concerned.

"I'm fucking alright, why don't you just watch the god damn road John, and what the hell is this we're listening to?" Brian shouted as he started to fiddle with the with the radio station. He went past an oldie station and a song starting playing that made him stop in his tracks.

Justin knew that song. It was THE SONG. That memory of the Prom was in his mind permanently now, but it wasn't sad anymore. Yea it always reminded him of what happened to him, but once he got the full memory back of that night, it was one of the best nights of his life. Brian told him he loved him that night for the first time. It was the worst night of his life as well, but he tried to take the good over the bad.

"Brian?" Justin asked, realizing something wasn't right because Brian had stopped everything. He was just frozen with his hand hovered over the knob on the dial.

"Gus, pull over now!" he shouted.

"What's going on?" Gus asked confused.

"Do as I tell you, now." Justin shouted.

Gus didn't know what the hell was going on. He knew what that song was, everyone knew that by now, but it wasn't sad for them anymore. It was their song, they had been practicing their new waltz for the party to it. He didn't get why he was acting like this. He pulled into a park that was right on the corner.

Justin was out of the car in a flash and to the passenger side; Brian was still there, staring at nothing.

"Brian?" Justin asked as he turned Brian towards him. He's eyes were glazed over, he didn't know what he was looking at but he sure as hell wasn't looking at him."

"Do you think he knows, Mikey?" Brian whispered.

"It's me, Justin; Brian do you know where we are?" Justin asked concerned.

"I think he knows, I told him tonight but that was before….." Brian stated as if he didn't realize what Justin was saying.

"Before what?" Justin asked trying to figure what was Brian remembering. He knew that Brian had been having nightmares about Jack and the things he had done to him when he was younger. He couldn't think of anything that he could be think of now unless….

"I told him, I walked out there and I took his hand. You should've seen their faces; everyone wanted me to be theirs. We didn't care, we danced and we danced, and then I told him and kissed him front of everybody. I look back at Daphne and I bet she came in her little pink dress." He smirked but then his eyes got sad once more.

"I got him killed; if I'd never come then this wouldn't have happened." He sighed.

"No Brian, that wasn't your fault. Do you hear me, that wasn't your fault!" he shouted hoping to break Brian from this nightmare. He never shared anything with him about this time, and now he wished that he wasn't sharing it. It was breaking his heart; there were actually tears in his eyes. Could Brian have felt this way about him then? He knew that Brian loved him now, but even then?

"I treat him like shit, I know that Michael. You don't have to say that, I do because he needs to leave. If he would've just left none of this would've happened. Now he's broken, no more sunshine." He sobbed.

"Oh Brian. I'm here. I'm right here!" he panicked. He looked up and Gus looked even more afraid than him. He mouthed for Gus to call John, and Gus took out his cellphone and walked away from them giving them privacy while he made the call.

"I just wish that he knew…..that he knew that I…"

"You wished that he knew what! He knew what?" Justin asked getting closer to his lover.

"That I…." Brian was torn from his thoughts when a passing by car honked their horn.

Brian felt as if he'd been sleeping. Had he been? He remembered that Justin and Gus had picked him up but after that, everything was fuzzy. That's when he noticed that he was still sitting in the car, and a very concerned looking Justin was staring into his eyes.

"What has happened?" Brian asked getting upset.

"Nothing, you just, well you said you thought you might be sick and I pulled over so you wouldn't get sick in the car." Justin stated as he wiped his eyes.

"Really? I don't feel sick, I guess it's passed. Can we go home now? I think I might want to sleep." Brian stated.

"Sure. Gus just went to make a call, why don't you get in the back with me. You can stretch out and sleep, we've still got a good thirty minutes before we make it back to Britin in this afternoon traffic.

"Okay." Then he climbed in the back with Justin.

John didn't know what to expect when they drove up. Gus had called him scared to death and filled him on what was going on at the side of the road. He was afraid that something like this was going to happen, and he was sure that they had explained it to Justin. He also knew that the dissociation was the least of Brian's problems. He watched them get out the car, and Justin told Gus to help his father to take a nap. That was good; they needed to talk and now.

"So?" John asked as he handed Justin a cup of coffee as they sat at tabletop in the kitchen where he was still making notes.

"He had a flashback. I know that is what it was. I used to have them back after my accident had happened. It was just intense you know, and this time it was about me that totally wigged me out." He tried to explain.

"So what was it about? What was the trigger?" John asked trying to get as much information as he could.

"Well, he got in the car upset from the start. Something about Eddie asking him for a job. It's tricky when it comes to Eddie because some days he'll say that Eddie is his friend and the next he might as well be the antichrist. I could tell that he was upset, and that he probably had a headache because he was pinching the bridge of his nose. He called Gus you, and he even mentioned Susan and he never talks about her."

"What was the trigger?"

"He got upset and then he was arguing and he fiddled with the radio and Save the Last Dance started to play."

"Shit." John said. He knew the significance of that song. He knew so much, his uncle shared a lot with him.

"I didn't expect it to bring back bad memories. I mean if this was five years ago maybe, but I remember now and I love that song. I love that night, it was the first night he told me he loved me but he flipped. He went back to what I guess was waiting for me to be alright. He was so scared."

"It's going to be alright?" John comforted Justin as he reached across the counter to give his hand a good squeeze.

"How can you say that? How can you say that with the way that he is? He is so scared of everything and this. I was right in front of him and he didn't even know I was there!"

"Considering what Brian has been through, his progress is amazing. You have to think about that, he should be dead but he's not and he's highly functional. Brian is like an egg, a hard shell but also very delicate. His whole life he's been keeping it all in. He thought that if he didn't let it out it couldn't harm him. He also felt that whatever didn't kill him made him stronger. Which is a good way to be, but this has cracked his shell. Now things that he used to be able to contain are seeping through the cracks. Grandpa's abuse, the bashing, cancer, Lindsay-

"Lindsay, what?" Justin asked cutting him off.

"Nothing, I mean just Lindsay in general. She's free, and the fire and Susan. He has to deal with all of that on top of this. He can't help it; Brian is still Brian, all of this stuff is just on the surface. Then his mind is misfiring and causing his emotions to be all over the place. He really can't help it, Justin."

"I know that, I mean but it was the bashing. I never thought that he loved me loved me back then."

"Yea, he did. He told me that a long time ago. Justin, this is going to be hard, and things may not always be pleasant but he needs you to get back to what he used to be. If you're willing to stick around then he can get back to who he used to be, might be even better in some cases.

'I'm not going anywhere." Justin stated firmly.

"Good, now get some rest because tomorrow there's going to be some changes."

"Changes how?" he asked confused.

"Some things we all have to do to help Brian. Get some rest, and enjoy the rest of the day; tomorrow we help Brian get his life back." Then he left Justin in the kitchen to ponder what to come.


End file.
